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Question
Posted by: C | 2008/10/09

Am i really being a BEEACH???

hey
i have been dating this guy now for just over a year we met and instantly became attracted to each other. In May this year he cheated on me but yup i forgave him and the so called friend and we have been working on our relationship ever since - he told me the night i found out that he was so scared of loosing me and yup i fell for it! but i also feel that you have to give a people chances in life we are all human and do make mistakes even i have made mistakes and he forgave me as well. Any way we have recently (2 months now) moved into our " own"  place with our stuff etc you know trying to make a " home"  of it. He started a new job just before we moved into this place (oh ya we have been staying together for a while before our " home" ) he works mainly night shifts - which i dont have a problem with the problem is that i now have realised that i have never felt so alone in my life, he comes home late every night we are basically living past each other now. yesterday i wrote him a letter (i get feelings out better on paper) i asked him to start making me first in his life and not his friends (he would rather stay out drinking than coming straight home) and i begged him to come home early so that we can chat and i told him that when he comes home slightly drunk it upsets me. any way he got home at 4.30 this morning and yup was drunk! he also invited friends over...i told him that he has no repsect for me and he turned it around saying that i' m embarrasing him because i wont talk to him in front of his friends!!!!! when ever we have an argument he turns it around and everything lands up being my fault! he also told me this morning that i am being a bitch because i' m moaning at him and i' m stopping him having fun...am i so wrong for wanting him home to be with me or am i being an unfair bitch???

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Our expert says:
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I'm not an expert on the accurate diagnosis of BEEACH. yup
Maybe other readers have more experience in such matters

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Our users say:
Posted by: C | 2008/10/10

Hey all
thanks for all the advice / opinions etc...
well this morning he got home at 6, but for the first time i did not let it bother me! when he walked in i pretended like he had done nothing wrong...it was different but you know what i agree with you guys i' m going to show him that i' m actually really not a nag :) i' m going to show him that he is missing out on me! you know it' s a great feeling i' m going to go back to where i was when we first met and start having fun with my life - no point in sitting around waiting for something exciting to happen in my life - guess i need to make it happen and if he is there that would be great, but if he cant see it happening oh well maybe one day he will? i' ve lost touch with my friends because of all of this i think that it is time i start making it up to them, they were around way before him!
maybe i dont need to put my foot down, if he cant realise that i am " here"  on his own then that is also fine, maybe he is not meant to be in the first place - or he could be my future and we can work that out together - is relationships not about compromise? you cant change the other or feel that you should - then how did you fall for the other person in the first place - right??
any how like to say thanks for all the words!!
it' s time to start having fun hey??

Reply to C
Posted by: Me | 2008/10/09

Just curious - what did you do with your time before you met him? That' s what you' re supposed to be doing - he' s living his life - live yours!!

Remember - a couple is still two individuals.

...If he does not make time over the weekends or any other day, then I think it' s time to show him what he' ll be missing once it' s gone.

Reply to Me
Posted by: Vegan | 2008/10/09

Hey C.

You' re not being a bitch. But he probably thinks you' re being a nag. And he probably associates that with his mother, not with who you really are: his uber-sex-kitten lover girl!

He' s being an ass! But that' s a man for you. They love the chase. He' s getting too comfortable. I think you just need to become distant. Show him you' re a woman who can hold her own. Spend some more time with YOUR friends and indulge in YOUR interests. You don' t need him to be happy and he needs to be reminded that your companionship is a privilege.

All the best, C.

Reply to Vegan
Posted by: girly | 2008/10/09

Not at all sister, you have to put your foot down or else this will carry on and on until you can' t take it no more - and then he' ll turn it around and ask why did you tolerate it in the beginning?? be true to yourself - you are a grown woman and you know what is right for yourself, if there' s anything that you are not doing right - he tells you right? do not bottle things up because at the end of the day - you or both of you will explode!!!!

Reply to girly
Posted by: EL | 2008/10/09

You are not overreacting.

But let me give you some advice. The more you try to stop a person from doing something the more he will want to do it. And the more you nag about it the more he will want to do it. Hold on for a few days, be the person you were when he met you, when he does spend time with you then you show him that you' re more fun to be around with. Do not nag, don' t stop him from doing what he' s doing. Show him that you don' t really care.

Reply to EL

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