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Question
Posted by: Athen | 2011/06/20

Am I paranoid!

Am I paranoid to believe that '' no matter how feminine you can be to your partner/man'' he is still capable of cheating on you ( and it''s a potential risk of any relationship) . I''m 49yrs Divorcee ( due to his alcohol and physical abuse) . Cheating is one of my ''deal breakers'' ! I''ve been in a number of relationships, whereby I''ve tried to be a ''woman'' but I''ve terminated due to cheating. I have come to a stage whereby I''m not certain if there is a man out there that can commit 100% to his woman.
Please talk to me!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

All HUMAN BEINGS are capable of cheating, and are capable of being faithful. Men and women do cheat on each other, and its usually about something within the cheater, and not whether the cheatee is more feminine, or less, or has brown hair.
I'm curious about why you feel it is a duty for you to try so hard to be a "woman", rather than to simply be yourself - it sounds as though in previous relationship(s) someone who wasn't enough of a man tried to blame you for his bad behaviour, and complained, absurdly, that you were not being "woman" enough for him.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Athen | 2011/06/21

Thanx guys for your inspiring comments. I think all is not lost. Caro summed it up " We love, we risk, we get hurt, we move on. The world is still a beautiful place and hope is just around the corner!'''' It''s tough out there ... and maybe turn a blid eye.

Reply to Athen
Posted by: Romany | 2011/06/21

Everything you say in your post is 100% correct and inspiring Caro, but one thing is exceptionally so ie :" 
there is always room for doubt and that we shouldn''''t go through life with blinkers on "  And that is exactly what I did and now take every opportunity to warn people that I think may just have " blinkers On" , by telling them about my experience.
In fact, in the casino in Durban a couple of weeks ago I saw a display that made me want to laugh out loud. This woman was sitting by a machine while her husband lovingly stood behind her, gently massaging her shoulders and occasionally wispering in her ear. She was looking up at him and smiled with sparkly eyes now and then..... and so on and so on. Anbout an hour later I again ran into the " hubby"  where he was sitting at another machine, engrossed in a converstaion with a young " female" . He had his hand on her butt (and him mind obviously in the gutter!) and certainly looked NOTHING like the doting man I saw with his wife with the nice rings.
A while later, I saw him with the wife again, touching, hugging, smiling, light kiss on the cheek..... what a joke.
So ja, if you are prepared to turn a bling eye, I am sure you will THINK all is great in love.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Caro | 2011/06/21

I am truly sorry that this was your experience, Romamy. You sound really hurt by it all but I don''t think that we should give up all hope on all men!
I realise that there is always room for doubt and that we shouldn''t go through life with blinkers on but sometimes love reigns eternal. If we give up on that hope, what do we teach our children about the opposite sex. Women get used and men use? That is not how I''d raise my daughter or my son. People are people. We love, we risk, we get hurt, we move on. The world is still a beautiful place and hope is just around the corner.

Reply to Caro
Posted by: Romany | 2011/06/20

To Caro
3 Years ago, what you have written today, would be nearly exactly what I would have written after knowing my husband for 30+ years. Today and for the last 2 years, I had a VERY rude awakening. I never wish that apon anyone, but reality is reality and men DO NOT think with their brains. Regardless who they are,..... fact
I know you will disagree with me PROFUSELY ... I would have, 2+years ago...

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Woman | 2011/06/20

surely you must know the saying: Even the most gorgeous woman in the world has a guy in her past who grew tired of f***** her.

Sad but true.

Many men just cheat.....no matter what you do, what you look like, how perfect you are.....they will sleep around.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Queen | 2011/06/20

Also, how we choose our partners says a lot about how we see ourselves. When you value yourself and feel you deserve a man who won''t even think of cheating, then that''s the kind of man you will attract into your life.

Reply to Queen
Posted by: Caro | 2011/06/20

My husband too will never cheat, I believe. He has mated for life, he says and I believe him. I have tried to catch him out, reading his mails and phone. Available to me any time. I dont do it anymore out of respect. He has old flames who contact him and I dont even feel jealous. I am not his facebook friend but tells me if he is in contact with anybody, I dont even need ask. His exes phone home and talk to him. Ladies at work like him and they go out for coffee - he always tells me before or after. He is good-looking, tall and kind. People like him a lot (more than they do me) even my mother likes him more than she likes me. All my ex-boyfriends like him. He is a good dad, does the taxi-run everyday. There are good men out there just as there are women who will also cheat. It is not about the gender, it is the person. Dont be paranoid but do not ignore the tell-tale signs.

Reply to Caro
Posted by: Romany | 2011/06/20

You canbe the Queen of all queens, Miss World, the richest lady on eart bla bla bla. If he is going to cheat, he is going to cheat.
It is a chance you take.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Maria | 2011/06/20

Whether or not a man will cheat is result of his own morals and belief system, and should not have anything to do with how feminine or otherwise his partner is. A moral man will not cheat on his partner regardless of what she is like. If he wants to pursue other women he will end the relationship first. And I do believe there are men like that, my husband is one.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/06/20

All HUMAN BEINGS are capable of cheating, and are capable of being faithful. Men and women do cheat on each other, and its usually about something within the cheater, and not whether the cheatee is more feminine, or less, or has brown hair.
I'm curious about why you feel it is a duty for you to try so hard to be a "woman", rather than to simply be yourself - it sounds as though in previous relationship(s) someone who wasn't enough of a man tried to blame you for his bad behaviour, and complained, absurdly, that you were not being "woman" enough for him.

Reply to cybershrink

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