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Question
Posted by: confused | 2012-02-20

am i nuts?

hi doc,

think i''m nuts at this stage.

i have a happy marriage but i have one big problem.

my husband''s boss.

i feel like a 16year old when i''m around him.

my knees are weak, i have all these fantasies about him and when i see him i think how much i would love to be with him.

what the heck is going on with me.

i''ve been married for 8 years now.

have a good intimate life but if i close my eyes i see him even in bed ????

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

The fantasies, in an important sense,are not about him in reality, but about a fantasy lover who looks like him, and maybe the gross inappropriateness of his real life position adds to the attractiveness of the idea. best see a counsellor to understand better in what ways you are feeling unfulflled, and how to rather enrich your real marriage than get lost in fantasies that are at best non-productive, and at worst could cause awful damage to you, your husband and children, and potentially to him, and his wife and children.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: Pixie | 2012-02-20

I also tend to think there is some unfulfilment somewhere... your husband''s boss is looking for appealing for specific reasons you might not be aware of. Once you can identify what it is you need emotionally or otherwise (with the help of a counsellor hopefully) you can address these issues.

Remind yourself why you are married to your husband and try and rekindle the flame?? And have communication with your husband regarding your needs?

Reply to Pixie
Posted by: Me | 2012-02-20

Well said Liza...

Reply to Me
Posted by: Liza | 2012-02-20

You''re not nuts. Just ''in lust'' as opposed to being ''in love''. Being married does not bring immunity from lust of others. Being married does however mean that you shouldn''t act on this lust. You know the saying ''The grass is always greener on the other side'' - this is how you see your husbands'' boss. It''s an idealised version of life - not how things will really turn out. The reply to this saying ''Only because the other side has a lot more - um - fertilizer'' is very applicable. No matter how perfect this guy seems, you really don''t know him all that well.

And the more you obsess about your guilt, the more you''ll be thinking of this guy. Whenever you start thinking of this guy, imagine him picking his nose and eating it. That should be suitably disgusting to help train your mind to not think of him inappropriately.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Me | 2012-02-20

Oh my word...first of all, do you feel guilty having these thoughts about your hubby''s boss?
How old are you if I may ask?

Reply to Me
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-02-20

The fantasies, in an important sense,are not about him in reality, but about a fantasy lover who looks like him, and maybe the gross inappropriateness of his real life position adds to the attractiveness of the idea. best see a counsellor to understand better in what ways you are feeling unfulflled, and how to rather enrich your real marriage than get lost in fantasies that are at best non-productive, and at worst could cause awful damage to you, your husband and children, and potentially to him, and his wife and children.

Reply to cybershrink

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