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Question
Posted by: loveless lifeless | 2009/03/19

am i normal?

My husband and i separated about a year ago. I moved out and battled for many months - in fact it is still difficult. i at some point realised that i need to move on with my life - and this did not mean finding someone else - in fact - i was not interested until someone approached me - we connected and he made me realise that i wasnt horrible and nasty that my husband said i was. actually we even developed feelings for each other and had sex on more than one occasion. the truth is that the divorce is still in the process.

After a few weeks i began to retract from this guyand although we spoke to each other, i wasnot up to meeting him and i made excuses. to b quite honest - he wasnt my husband and no matter what i could not forget my husband.

A few months later, i met someone - thinking he was decent guy and then realised otherwise - we also had sex - once.

but i wasnt happy even with him. he wasnt my husband. The truth is that i hav no feelings for anyone. even when i was involved - i had no feelings for any of them. they were never my husband.

i dont want to have any other man in my life - does that many any sense at all. i know that my husband doesnt want me in my life but i dont want anyone else. what do i do?

i still remember the memories we share , i still remember everything. am i bad for being intimate with other people? truth is that they made me realise that i cannot forget him no matter what. they ade me realise that i love him more than anything else. did i cheat on myhusband even though we are divorcing?


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

YOu're never nasty just becaue someone ( with their own sour potivations ) says so --- any more than a villain becomes marvellous just because his lawyer says he is !
Do be cautious about trapping yourself in the language you use. You say " I could not forget my husband". You don't know that. You know that you DID not orget him, but that's different, and declaring it an impossibility makes it harder to achieve. Your story reminds us of why we always advise folks to be cautious about rebound romances, about relationships based on one's temporary ( though it feels permanent ) neediness after a divorce or break-up. Accept and celebrate the fact that you don't have to have a man in your life in order to be wholem good, and worthy. In time, you may well feel interested i a new relationshiop, and it will work better if this is when you are open to it but not desperately needing it nor desperately rejecting it. You're not bad for trying to comfort yourself. But don't glue yourself to absolutes about never allowing anyone else in your life. We are not designed to have only one love in our lives, but take your time for it to happen.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: loveless lifeless | 2009/03/21

thanks for the advice.

P you sound likeyou know what you talking about but i am th one expereincing it. you dont know hat it is like to live a life like mine. i have my own business which is falling apart as a result of my emotional situation, the divorce will be finalised this month, i feel like im on a rollercoaster ride.

My kids are also there, sad and affected by everything!

Reply to loveless lifeless
Posted by: loveless lifeless | 2009/03/21

thanks for the advice.

P you sound likeyou know what you talking about but i am th one expereincing it. you dont know hat it is like to live a life like mine. i have my own business which is falling apart as a result of my emotional situation, the divorce will be finalised this month, i feel like im on a rollercoaster ride.

My kids are also there, sad and affected by everything!

Reply to loveless lifeless
Posted by: EL | 2009/03/20

I know exactly how you feel!!

Reply to EL
Posted by: P | 2009/03/20

When looking back on a relationship, one tends to forget the bad things/behavious of the other person and you only remember the good things you did together. And then you think he was not to bad after all. Obviously there were reasons at teh time why you seperated and those reasons have not changed, only your memory has changed.

It will take time to get over him, in the meantime do not settle for 2nd best and also do not sleep with every guy you date, keep your knees together and wait till you are over your husband and wait for a desnet (spelling) guy to come around who you like and where the feeling is mutual. And do not settle for one with a lot of problems in his life, take time to know the person before you get involved and make a rational decision whether he is worthy of you.

Reply to P

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