Posted by: Liza | 2009-04-15

Am I missing something?

I haven' t been in a relationship for 2 years now, and I' m not missing it. Perhaps I' m not missing it because I try not to think about it. Whenever the thoughts come up, I purposely start thinking about something else. Most of the time my final thought on the matter is that I' m bipolar and don' t want to ' inflict'  myself on someone. And I feel that this is a statement of fact - not a feeling of low self-esteem. Then I also think that having to explain myself about where I want to go, what I want to do etc. is just too big of a schlepp. I guess I' m terribly selfish - taking a partner into consideration just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Until quite recently it was difficult to even take my boys into consideration. Not because I don' t love them, but I just felt that getting out of bed and actually going out the door was a big enough challenge and accomplishment. This past school holiday I spent with them was such a change. Chatting to them, watching DVD' s with them, going out with them - it felt effortless. Now I' m scared I' m becoming manic.

Sorry, I' m rambling. I' ll shut up now.

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Our expert says:
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The technique you describe is a useful way to stop obsessing and brooding about something where further thought is NOT going to be useful, and would be exactly what should be done by the folks who so often post messages here asking about how to forget about their EX, who they adore even though he is a serial killer, with 15 babies by 15 other women, and with awful bad breath as well.
But I'm bothered by your thought that being bipolar automatically makes you so awful that you shouldn't "inflict " yourself on others. Nothing of the sort ! Many of the most interesting and pleasant people I have known over the years have been bipolar. Sounds like we have a self-esteem problem here ? What makes it a "fact" that you are inflicted in a way that the odinary nasty folks around the land are not ? Why do you feel you have to explain yoursel so much ? Being considerate of others need not be such a schlep. And maybe in these school holdays you made a very important discovery, that other people, especially yourown kids, can be fun, and that even awful old you can be fun for others. Great stuff ! You don't need to be high to make that discovery. Of course, if you are bipolar you could indeed go high at times, but then look for the other, more ordinary signs of that --- being pleasant and fun to be with is just an under-used part of your natural personality.

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