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Question
Posted by: JC | 2010/02/26

Am i in too much of a hurry?

I would like to get a few opinions on this. I am been seeing a guy for 3 years now. It hasnt been the easiest relationship but we are much happier and our relationship has just matured. All of our friends are getting engaged and buying homes or moving in together. I would really like to live with him but he wont even discuss it. I am starting to wonder if i am wasting my time with him. Does he just need time to get over the fears he has because of how hard we have had to work for our relationship or is he always going to be this way? I dont want to be in this same situation in another 3 years. Please advise.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If he has fears he needs to get over, he should see a counsellor and get to work on tjhis project. There's no point in simply sitting round waiting for the end of his fears to be brought to his doorstep by a courier.
And if he refuses to discuss where this relationship is going, it is not going anywhere.
Sounds like he's probably comfortable with things as they are, and doesn't have the energy to move forward, with you or anyone else

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: qwerty | 2010/02/26

3 years is more than long enough for him to have made up his mind about you either way. You are not in too much of a hurry! A good friend of mine was dating a guy we all thought was PERFECT for her, and they had a really great relationship. But she got to the point where you are now, and after four years she ended it because he couldn''t see himself committing to her any further.
And she found someone else who WAS willing to make that commitment. And guy number one missed out in my opinion.

So sit your man down, and be honest with him. Tell him that you want to know where he thinks this is going - if he doesn''t have an answer, well then you have yours.

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: Woman | 2010/02/26

If he''s not willing to move to the next level after 3 years, chances are that he won''t change in the near future. It may be that you are not Ms. right for him, merely ms. good enough for now. You must decide what you want out of this relationship and then discuss it. If he isn''t willing to compromise, it is better to rather be single for a while, because Mr. Right might just be waiting around the corner.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/02/26

If he has fears he needs to get over, he should see a counsellor and get to work on tjhis project. There's no point in simply sitting round waiting for the end of his fears to be brought to his doorstep by a courier.
And if he refuses to discuss where this relationship is going, it is not going anywhere.
Sounds like he's probably comfortable with things as they are, and doesn't have the energy to move forward, with you or anyone else

Reply to cybershrink

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