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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2011/06/14

Am I in-secure or foolish

Doc, I need help...I am married for 5 years and my husband does not wear his wedding ring. At the same time he has a funny relationship with my brother''s wife, he visits her without me knowing or my brother and he calls her, he goes though my phone, but I can never go through his. My brother does not think anything of this I have spoken to him about all of this, he avoids his sick relationship with my sister-in law, but quickly get''s back into it. Further to that he takes a glass or sometimes more than a glass of alcohol daily, I have a problem with it, but he just brushes me off. Our middle daughter was molested by his nephew and up to date, he has never really acknowledged it as well. I would never have married him, if I knew what I know now. He calls me a hippocrat, I want leave him and be a single parent.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Has he explained why he doesn't wear his wedding ring ? Secretly visiting your brother's wife is distinctly odd - what does your brother think of this ? And what explanation does your husband and the brother's wife have for this ?
He cannot justify hunting through your phone while refusing you similar access to his what does he suspect ? That you might behave the way he might be doing ?
A glass of alcohol daily is usually not a problem, so long as it is truly A glass.
It sounds as though he has few scruples, and prefers to deny the reality of any problems that arise.
Maybe it'd help for you to see a personal counsellor, to help you explore your options and make a wise choice for the benefit of you and your children

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: Laurei | 2011/06/14

You are NOT foolish at all. Sounds like there is something going on between the two. Why is she sending smses with teddybears and rubbish to YOUR husband? They are not in highschool anymore! This is real life and children are at stake. Keep your dignity intact and walk away for a while, tell himn you need space all the while investigating the matter. Get someone to follow him and her.
Good Luck. PS. You sound like a strong woman, dont let a foolish man and a slutty sister in law bring you down,

Reply to Laurei
Posted by: Romany | 2011/06/14

It seems your mind is made up and that you are a strong clever woman that will not be deceived this way.
All in all, from experience, I am sure you are 100% correct in assuming he is cheating on you.
Good luck with your decision. Make up your mind and do it. I wish more women had your guts. and, we are here for you if you want to talk.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Anon | 2011/06/14

Thanks for the quick response Doc and Romany I appreciate it very much, Doc my brother thinks nothing of it, because he seems to have it balanced, he sometimes visits the two of them but mostly dissappears to her when he is not around as for the phone thing, he never has received calls or dailed calls or sms''s accept from me, I find that very strange. With regards to the wedding ring, he says he want''s a new one, he doesn''t like the one he has. We have been together for 15years and all this time I have been very honest, even when I myself encounted situations where I might have or could''ve been tempted. I would tell him everything. We do nothing together accept S*x and talk about the kids and normal stuff. I don''t think he thinks his relationship is sick with my sister in law, they share a lot, because she sends him sweet sms''s with the teddy bears and stuff. I told both of them in 2008 and they don''t see another married man befriending me and leaving his wife to spend time with someone elses wife. My brother is doff. My mother thinks I am over-reacting. I am going to leave him

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Romany | 2011/06/14

Hi
Where there is smoke there is a fire.The simple fact that he is posessive over his phone tells me there are some things he is hiding.
Take your wedding ring off as well. What goes for the one goes for the other.
If you have the means it will be good if you could let a private detective get the required evidence for you. It will be quick and should not cost too much.
This will not only give you the power to confront him but will also prove that you are not a hipocrate or going mad.
Then once you have the evidence (which I am sure you will get....) leave him and be single like you want to be.
Men (many men) get away with this thing because they plant seeds of doubt in our minds and make us feel like we are imagining things.
On the other hand, if all this ound s like too much effort....just tell him to leave, go and live with his " brother:"  and divorce him like you want to.
Do not wait until you are old, do this now.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/06/14

Has he explained why he doesn't wear his wedding ring ? Secretly visiting your brother's wife is distinctly odd - what does your brother think of this ? And what explanation does your husband and the brother's wife have for this ?
He cannot justify hunting through your phone while refusing you similar access to his what does he suspect ? That you might behave the way he might be doing ?
A glass of alcohol daily is usually not a problem, so long as it is truly A glass.
It sounds as though he has few scruples, and prefers to deny the reality of any problems that arise.
Maybe it'd help for you to see a personal counsellor, to help you explore your options and make a wise choice for the benefit of you and your children

Reply to cybershrink

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