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Question
Posted by: Dixi | 2010/05/17

Am I expecting Too Much?

My hubby and I have been trying for the past 6 yrs to have a child and haven''t been able to because I have infertility issues. Our only hope is IVF. Last year I asked my parents for assistance for a loan of R15000 for the IVF, which hubby and I would pay back. My parents said they are struggling and can''t help me out. My dad then bought a home for R870,000 cash. He didn''t need a bond as he had cash. He told me he had some policies that matured.

I asked again this year and was told that they are struggling financially as my dad has been home since his mild stroke. He had a stroke last year, that was very mild and has left no damage. He bought the house whilst he was in hospital.

Anyway, I asked again this year as I mentioned and was told that it is not possible to help me. Then a few weeks later my dad buys my mum a brand new Mercedes C Class. And he paid cash for this. Once again he told me some of his policies matured.

Why am I so angry? When I asked my mum, she told me that it''s their money and the can do what they want with it. I feel so hurt. I think of all the holidays they financed my 3 brothers for and yet I ask for funds for IVF and they say no.

Should I be feeling so hurt? Is this normal? I have all this anger in me. When my dad was ill last year, my hubby and I took time off work and took our daughter out of school and went to spend time with my parents, especially when dad was at hospital. We live in another city. I had major surgery this year and my dad came and visited me a month after the surgery and never once called me to ask me how I am.

Are my feelings of anger and hurt normal or am i over reacting.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This is the first time I have heard of a couple who are financially "struggling" who can then afford to buy a house at that price, paying cash and not needing a bond. And then a brand-new Mercedes ? I suspect most of us could learn to enjoy "struggling" in that way !
Its totaly understandable that you feel hurt and angry - even if for some reason your parents didn't want to help with a loan towards the IVF, they absolutely owed you honest answers and explanations, not lies and evasions.
I don't think you're over-reacting, but I think it's clear that there's no point in expecting normal human generosity or even kindness from this selfish couple. That's very sad. Make it clear to them ( without wasting your enegy on anger ) that you understand what has happened, that you are deeply hurt, and recognize that you can't expect any help from them, and will have to just lead your life independtly from them.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/05/17

This is the first time I have heard of a couple who are financially "struggling" who can then afford to buy a house at that price, paying cash and not needing a bond. And then a brand-new Mercedes ? I suspect most of us could learn to enjoy "struggling" in that way !
Its totaly understandable that you feel hurt and angry - even if for some reason your parents didn't want to help with a loan towards the IVF, they absolutely owed you honest answers and explanations, not lies and evasions.
I don't think you're over-reacting, but I think it's clear that there's no point in expecting normal human generosity or even kindness from this selfish couple. That's very sad. Make it clear to them ( without wasting your enegy on anger ) that you understand what has happened, that you are deeply hurt, and recognize that you can't expect any help from them, and will have to just lead your life independtly from them.

Reply to cybershrink

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