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Question
Posted by: janet | 2010/05/29

am i expecting 2 much

good morning.my ex and i broke up a week ago after two years together.we not really talking except when i needed his assistance with something.so today happens to be my birthday-when we were still together,he called at 12 midnight to wish me.today he did not obviously because we are no longer a couple i guess.my brain gets that but i can''t help but feel and think that ''he was just not that into me'' all along.i mean we just broke up about ten days ago,surely he could have just called to wish me for my birthday and nothing else.am i expecting too much from him given that we not together anymore?am i missing something here regarding love and men(and breakups)?i mean how do you say you love someone but when the relationship ends, so does your so- called love.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It may not be useful or accurate to make assumptions about how he felt about you all along, on the basis of how he behaves after you have broken up. That's like assessing how well a car ran by examining the wreckage after an accident.
There are few if any rules about conduct after a relationship is over. If you EXPECT him to call for your birthday, is the relationship really over ? And you say you're not really talking - but your're bothered by one occasion when he didin't talk to you ?
This is not about "men" but about people, and they differ in their behaviours and expectation.
You dont't say how and why the relationship ended, or what it had to do with love, so its hard to evaluate how realistic your expectations were and are

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Our users say:
Posted by: michael | 2010/05/29

i think you are expecting too much. who ended the relationship? you or him? any way either way, it hurts and i think its only fair you let him deal with the loss his own way. he will call when the time is right and the pain less if he so wishes. use this time too to deal with your loss too.

Reply to michael
Posted by: Maria | 2010/05/29

Two years is a long time, and it''s quite natural to feel a bit " lost"  without him. Perhaps not contacting you is his way of dealing with the pain and moving on? A lot will depend on why you ended the relationship.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/05/29

It may not be useful or accurate to make assumptions about how he felt about you all along, on the basis of how he behaves after you have broken up. That's like assessing how well a car ran by examining the wreckage after an accident.
There are few if any rules about conduct after a relationship is over. If you EXPECT him to call for your birthday, is the relationship really over ? And you say you're not really talking - but your're bothered by one occasion when he didin't talk to you ?
This is not about "men" but about people, and they differ in their behaviours and expectation.
You dont't say how and why the relationship ended, or what it had to do with love, so its hard to evaluate how realistic your expectations were and are

Reply to cybershrink

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