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Question
Posted by: Lou | 2009/04/08

Am I doing the right thing?

For 2 years now I have had issues with my husband. Firstly the sec was great (no I do not need the sex Doc for this) then it all fell away, he tol dme that he was tired , no interested etc.. there is no one else and this is very confusing to me. I would come on to him and he would reject me, this hurt me no end, as for along time I kept it up only to be let down again, it caused huge arguments and things have been very strained, on the occassion that we do have sex, I still have to wait in between for about 6 weeks before another episode of sex will take place, almost like when I complain then he feels that he has to do it keep me quiet. This has taken it' s toll on me. I no longer feel that I want to be with him as I have been rejected so many times, I feel useless and unattractive - to him - as others still seem to think I am attractive. I now cringe when he touches me, as I feel that it is not from his heart but doing it for his own release. I do find that I am hard against him now. we have moved house and I have now moved out of the room, I have my own room, I have no idea whether I have done the correct thing, I just feel that why should I sleep in the same room next to someone who is always in bed before me and asleep before me, so it makes no difference whether I am in the same room as him or not, it is not like we are ever intimate , in the last 3 months we have had ssex twice. I enjoy sex and I would like it more, I do feel that this now an emotional and mental problem for both of us than just a sex thing. He thinks I want too much and I feel that he is not intereted, it has now culmunated in that I now do not care or want it and he feels that I am now rejecting him. What must we do, as I feel that our whole life and marriage is falling apart, I am unhappy and depressed all the time, I am unhappy with him and I am unhappy with the fact that for long he rejected me, I cannot get past this.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Like Really, I suspect he may have erection probkems, or low libido, for physical or psychological reasons, and is trying to ignore and avoid the problem arising ( or, rather, not arising ). See whether he responds to any sympathetic inquiry along these lines. Could he think of marriage counselling ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lou | 2009/04/08

Thank you all for you advise, however talking to him, which I have done on numerous occassions does not work. He just tells me there is nothing worng and we end up in huge argument, which makes me think that there is nothing that I can do to help, as it seems that he really does not want or need the help. The reason I moved out is because I feel that as I have been rejected by him so often, it will not make any difference where I sleep, for me it is better to not lie next to someone and want something that I am not going to get. His mediacl condition, I understand and I have been really supportive, but enough is enough when he does not want to help himself, so the conclusion to me is that he simply is not intrested in me in a sexual way, just to have someone to look after him and our 4 boys.

Reply to Lou
Posted by: Me | 2009/04/08

Yes you need to move in.....

Questions:

Do you have any reason to believe your husband is cheating on you?

If not...

What if your husband has a medical problem (as mentioned above)....dont you think he needs your support iso you turning your back on him (which is what you are doing by staying in another room)

Be supportive and lovable....that is what he needs and will probably talk about his problem out of his own.

Reply to Me
Posted by: Really | 2009/04/08

Maybe you should move back in... and you know talk to him about getting some nice toys for the both of you... it' s quite a sensitve issue.. but rather discuss it with him and do it with him than on your own.

And when you feel the need, ask him to help you along so that he doesn' t feel left out, or your feel pathetic... about doing it alone.. and like CS... councelling will help a lot!

All the best.

Reply to Really
Posted by: Lou | 2009/04/08

Should I move back into the room with him? do you think that by moving out I have damaged something, or do you think that I should also leave things for a change up to him to sort out? I do think that he needs to take some sort of initiative.

Reply to Lou
Posted by: Lou | 2009/04/08

We have spoken about it, and yes he is on High blood pressure tablets and I do understand that this is affecting him now, however this all started before he was even on the tabs, I have been very supportive of him and we have even been to the DR about it. The premature ejectalation as well as the sleep issue, however once we have discussed things he is not commited to making them work, hence my feeling used and abused. I have suggest marriage counselling and some sort of therapy to try and work through this, but it only gets as far Okay and then nothing happens. To be honest he thik that I am jsut an idiot to want to be intimate more often than once every 2 months, I am 40 and his going on 45 so there is really not an age issue.

Reply to Lou
Posted by: Really | 2009/04/08

Hi Lou,

It' s sad to hear all this. Maybe he has a little problem... you know, most men don' t talk about it because they feel ashamed about it... maybe he has ED.. Erectile Dysfuction, or low libido.... Have you tried talking about the reasons why he just doesn' t feel like doing it?

Sure you are still attractive... Raise it in a manner that will make him comfortable to talk about it. don' t get upset about it.. maybe he will eventually be able to tell you the real reason.. or maybe get some outside help!

Reply to Really

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