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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2011-05-11

Am i being unreasonable

My ex-boyfriend who is also the father of my child do not communicate at all. There is no reason for me to ask him anything. He only pays a portion towards her school fees and thats it. He has done and said so many things to me and about me that i sometimes wish i never met him. Now however our daughter has to be registered for Grade 1. The school needed documents from the both of us and i have also been advised that we will need to see the principal for an interview. When i call him about the documents and the appointment he doesnt answer his phone. I have to call his mother and she tells me that she will tell him what he must do. I think that this absolutely ridiculous as he is a 37 year old man and I have to go through his mother. I dont ask him anything - even when our child was sick i didnt even bother to inform him that she was ill because he blames me and tells me its my fault. I sent him an e-mail this morning telling him that i dont want to deal with him either but when i am at the school or home affairs i need some information and have to call him direct and not make 3 - 4 calls just to ask him for his ID number. I think he is being unreasonable and childish but once again i am the bad person. I am so tired of this constant back and forth and really just want to be over with but how can i do that when i share a child with this man.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Truly unreasonable people rarely suspect they are unreasonable, so they don't ask this question.
Go to Maintenance Court and make sure that the Court orders him to pay his fair share of ALL the expenses of the child - men must realize what it costs to father children. He does indeed sound irresponsible and unreasonable, but tthe Maintenance Court is likely to require him to provide all nevessary information, especially if you raise this point that he needlessly handicaps your attempts to look after the child's best interests by being so obstructive.
Sorry to hear that Home Affairs have messed up as usual. Maybe the copurt could help even on those points.


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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2011-05-11

Just Saying, unfortunately if it was so easy. My problem is that my daughter is on her fathers surname. Ill explain why? I was married before i met my daughter father and had been divorced 2 years prior to us meeting. I had applied to home affairs to have my surname reverted back to my maiden surname. On doing the application etc. Home Affairs told me that someone in Head Office had removed my maiden surname and there system had shown that i was born under my married surname. Confusing I know. THe whole process took 2 years and when my daughter was born the situation was still not corrected. I spoke one of the managers at home affairs when registering my daughter and they told me that i couldnt put my daughters on my maiden surname until the my problem is corrected and i obviously couldnt put her on my ex-husbands surname. Hence the only other option was her father. The problem was only corrected 1 year after my daughter was born. So unfortunately thanks to Home Affairs was stuffed and now i suffer for their mistakes.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: just saying! | 2011-05-11

You dont need more drama in your life, you guys were not married, just put yourself up as a single parent. he is doing this to avoid payment of school fees,
and explaine the situation with the principle they can not discrimate against you.
Be Strong and stay focus, they are enjoying this back and forth with you, try to do things on your own, do you reallly need his id number and documents ? No as long as they get information on the legal guardian / parent, I am a single mom myself and had the same problem and did everything myself, you dont need crap like this in your life and child, take him to maintenance court and they will deal with him, you dont have to deal with this. just as long you allow him to see his child, ignore them.

Reply to just saying!
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-05-11

Truly unreasonable people rarely suspect they are unreasonable, so they don't ask this question.
Go to Maintenance Court and make sure that the Court orders him to pay his fair share of ALL the expenses of the child - men must realize what it costs to father children. He does indeed sound irresponsible and unreasonable, but tthe Maintenance Court is likely to require him to provide all nevessary information, especially if you raise this point that he needlessly handicaps your attempts to look after the child's best interests by being so obstructive.
Sorry to hear that Home Affairs have messed up as usual. Maybe the copurt could help even on those points.


Reply to cybershrink

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