Our expert says:
The main snag in dealing with his imminent departure is that there is really no time left to effectively improve your responses to being alone, before he leaves --- this message reaches me rather late ! What is most likely to help, would be CBT, Copgniive-Behaviour Therapy, which should be able to help you within a reasonably short period of time, to gain control of these situations, and to feel competent, safe, and confident when alone at home , either on your own or while in charge of the children. It is likely that you will be able to successfully gain control of this excessive nervousness and lack of faith in yourself, without delving back into the episode(s) of abuse. What is relevant now, is not that they occurred, but the residue they have left in your attitudes to yourself and your reactions to life.
You are NOT, absolutely NOT,"a terrible wife". While your problem has long dserved proper attention, I don't hear of your husband having had to make massive sacrifices to help with this, and indeed, he should be playing a far larger role in sharing the chores and tasks of the household --- he is using your fear of being alone and feeling unprotected to gain a faithful servant who dares not question him. So when you have regained self-estem and confidence and are happy to be alone when you choose, it would be worthwhile, with the guidance of your CBT therapist, to manoeuvre him into proper mariage counselling and redress the balance.
Now, though you might be able to find a CBT oriented therapiast ( the Anxiety/Depression Support Group, number on this page, should be able to help here ) and maybe even squeeze in a session, obviously this needed and deserved therapy will not be established before your husband goes away. As Anonymous helpfully points out, it is likelyy that when you actually face a night on your own ( I'd guess you have struggled to avoid this ever happening in recent years ). you will, after a period of feeling increasingly uncomfortable and alarmed, find that it fades away again. Such things are always more terrifying in prospect, and in your imagination before the event, than they actually are when they happen. Indeed, there is a form of therapy used and effective, called Implosion Therapy, in which the therapist would arrange for you to face your greatest fear --- and after a short period of panic, it tends to rapidly burn itself out and no longer to have the power to be fearful. You are likely to handle this urgent situation far better than you expect.
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