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Question
Posted by: Marietjie | 2011/01/27

Am i being unrealistic?

We''ve been going out for a year now and he has been staying with his folks since we met. there is a lot of positive things about him amoing others : Very supportive, good listener,caring, loyal,down to earth, composed,has a good job, great personality, very respectful etc. he always strive to make me feel special however the problem is that he is still staying with his parents. This has an effect on how i feel abt this relationship as I feel " closed in"  when I go visit him. When we are at my place, we are free, we can get cozy on couch watch movies, fix xomething to eat together etc but at his place I am restricted we cant do anything fun except to be be stuck in his room. He is 35 years old and I amm 32, i feel he needs to get his own space but would I be unfair to ask him to get his own place or would i be meddling ?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Have you discussed wih him what his personal plans are for the future ? When does he plan to get a place of his own ( and can he afford it ). A marriage where the couple have to live with the in-laws is often stressed and uncomfortable. If you are considering a longer-term future with this guy, it's far from meddling to ask him when he'll get his own place. If he's not independent enough to have been seriously plannin that, he might not be independent enough to enter on a long-term relationship

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Our users say:
Posted by: Rob | 2011/01/27

I totally agree with you. At 35 you should not be staying with your parents anymore. You can still support your parents in anyway you can but he is taking up there space and maybe they do not want to tell him to leave. Has he been staying there all the time or was he divorced and now stay there?

Reply to Rob
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/27

Have you discussed wih him what his personal plans are for the future ? When does he plan to get a place of his own ( and can he afford it ). A marriage where the couple have to live with the in-laws is often stressed and uncomfortable. If you are considering a longer-term future with this guy, it's far from meddling to ask him when he'll get his own place. If he's not independent enough to have been seriously plannin that, he might not be independent enough to enter on a long-term relationship

Reply to cybershrink

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