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Question
Posted by: KK | 2010/08/09

AM I BEING UNNECCESSARY

am pregnant with a guy who left me after finding out am carrying his baby, i was only six weeks old pregnant, am know 81/2 months. this it has''nt been a wonderful period of my life. I''ve been basicaly depressed for the whole period, but atlest im getting my groove back.

I have this friend who will always makes it her bussiness to find out staff about my ex, end report back to me, i have told her several times that im not interested in what that guy is up to.

this is one lady that knows excatly how much am hearting, but keeps on doing this since from the day i broke up of the relationship.

me and the ex are not on speaking terms, he doesnt even know when is my expected delivery date and i have made peace with that, and I strongly feel if we where to fix things for the sake of the baby, this will have to be initiated by one of us, not any of our friends.

by the way this is one person when i was still dating with my EX, he would always ask about her where abouts, they had some kind of a speceil relationship (wanted each other) I pretended as if i didn''t notice.

by the way this is my first child and am 30 years old, I have a good job and can take care of my own child,i don''t even need financial support from him.

Im intending to tell this lady precisley how I feel about this tomorrow againg. can someone please advise me on how to go about it.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sorry to hear you met up with a guy who was much less than a man in facing his responsibilities.
This isn't an easy phase of life to face alone, and the hormonal shifts in pregnancy often disturb one's mood.
Its hard to figure out what this "friend" is doing, or how she can imagine she is helping ( maybe she doesn't ; maybe she has some other interest in disturbing you ? ) She sounds like someone who visits a person who has had an operation, fiddles with their bandages, and scrapes at the scabs, slowing down the healing of the wound.
Just tell her, very calmly but clearly, that youj cannot understand why she keeps telling you about your ex, as this obviously only upsets you - he has walked out on his responsibilities as a man and a father, and you are adjusting to this, but its made more difficult by her talking about a man you have moved on from.
Separately, though you may well be able to support your child on your own, one value in women going to court to get at least token maintenance, is to remind guys like that, that fathering children isn't something they should take so lightly

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: KK | 2010/08/11

Thanx guys for your advise it really means a lot to me, I have made a decison not to say anything to her rather ignore her completely.

Reply to KK
Posted by: Happiness | 2010/08/10

Sometimes people like her don''t understand " talk"  but they do understand " action" . Cut her off from your life. She already does not fit anywhere in your life, all you need right now is support and a lot of it. That''s what friends do, support. Don''t waste your time talking or reasoning with her. Why would you want to waste your energy changing other people who enjoy to see you suffer?

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: Earl | 2010/08/09

Agree 100 % with everything Maria says, all the best with the baby too, its going to change your life forever.

Reply to Earl
Posted by: Maria | 2010/08/09

Congratulations on becoming a mom! This friend doesn''t sound like much of a friend to me. Tell her that you are moving on with your life and have new and important important things to concentrate on. Every time she brings up your ex it drags you down. You now need friends who can build you up and support you. If you''ve told her all these things and she persists in talking to you about him you have two choices: Simply cut her off abruptly every time she starts, or avoid her.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/08/09

Sorry to hear you met up with a guy who was much less than a man in facing his responsibilities.
This isn't an easy phase of life to face alone, and the hormonal shifts in pregnancy often disturb one's mood.
Its hard to figure out what this "friend" is doing, or how she can imagine she is helping ( maybe she doesn't ; maybe she has some other interest in disturbing you ? ) She sounds like someone who visits a person who has had an operation, fiddles with their bandages, and scrapes at the scabs, slowing down the healing of the wound.
Just tell her, very calmly but clearly, that youj cannot understand why she keeps telling you about your ex, as this obviously only upsets you - he has walked out on his responsibilities as a man and a father, and you are adjusting to this, but its made more difficult by her talking about a man you have moved on from.
Separately, though you may well be able to support your child on your own, one value in women going to court to get at least token maintenance, is to remind guys like that, that fathering children isn't something they should take so lightly

Reply to cybershrink

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