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Question
Posted by: Veronica | 2009-07-09

Am i being selfish?

Hi CS
I recently got married. My husband' s father has his own house &  in his will stated that the 1st son (there' s 2) to get married will get the house. We got married 1st but not for the house. Now i didnt want to move in there bcoz his dad is remarried &  his wife is a total b***h. She just makes life very hard 4 us. So we got married &  we are now renting in a really lovely home. However we do plan on moving back to his dads house but we are going to build an outbuilding at the back for us. I dont wana live in the main building bcoz his dad &  his wife are old school &  its hard to ba around them. My hubby' s brother also lives there &  i dont know if im being selfish in wanting us to build an outbuilding but i cant be in a home with other ppl bcoz we being newly married need our time &  i mean when we wana hold or kiss or cuddle up &  whatever imagine looking over ur shoulder all the time to see who' s behind u. we are young &  i just dont want us to not enjoy this time being with each other &  being free u know. Do u think im being selfish? Since we are indian its always difficult when living with others.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Funny, perhaps, but I have never ever had a selfish person ask me that question.
Presumably even if your husband qualifies to inherit the house, it remains his dad's until then, so I'm not clear about why you would need to live with his dad and step-mom, unless it is beause building the extension would be a saving in not having the addditional cost of the land. It could be precarious to have a home you built at your expense, on land belonging to someone else, though, couldn't it ? I dont see anything a all selfish in being reluctant to live with his father, a step-mother you don't like, and his brother. It is entirely reasonsable for any married coupld to want privacy and their own space.
You mention being Indian, and though that maty slightly influence the situation, mainl through what others in the family and community might expect of you, what you two both need and want is universal and reasonable

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Our users say:
Posted by: Dont do it | 2009-07-09

I' m indian and in more or less the same situation, newly married husbands father just died and living in the graany flat. I have no privacy i have mommy in law come in and out his brother just works in and raids our fridge and almost every other day his sister and both her kids come to visit alwasy asking whats for supper. If mom in law doesn' t feel like cooking my home becomes a walk in resturant. We cannot go anywhere without telling where. Dont do it please stay where you are the house isn' t worth it. Good luck

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