Posted by: Kristen | 2009-07-13

Am I being mean

Hi guys, CS
My husband and I live in his mothers granny flat since getting married 8 months ago. His father died 2 months after we got married. He was alwasys spending alot of time at his mothers instead of our home which I kind of understood. The thing is I' m so tired of seeing them day after day. His sister and her husband and two kids are always there so she can sleep in late during the weekends (13:00) and mummy takes care of the kids and cooks. She leaves Sunday evening and returns home only to come back every other week day for supper. (The only reason she does come every weekend is beause the nanny goes home for the weekend and she really cant take care of her kids alone). MIL cant manage the kids either and usually send them to me beacuase I' m up at 7:00 sending hubby of the college. She aks me to get them breakfast I usually do intensive cleaning on Saturday of the caos of the week. All i want is peace and to be alone. His mother expect us to eat there all the time and my husband doesnt consider that we have our plans for supper his mothers plans supercede ours. I do feel sorry for his mother but I want us to bond and live like husband and wife now its like we live in a commune. I know we should move out but my company recently closed down and I took a job for less than half me prev salary and things are bit tight. So I told hubby that he really shouldn' t be speding that much time there but you see its a realy shock to him as he knows nothing else its the norm. He really loves his mother but I am so tired of her and her poking her nose and babying him all the time. It' s almost like she loves doing stuff for her kids so they become dependent on her and cant live without her. Is it too soon after his fathers death?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberDoc

Dear Kristen
I think you meant to post this to cybershrink and not to me - please repost.
My humble opinion - some families are closer and more involved than others, and if you can't afford to live elsewhere you may need to draw some lines - for instance if looking after the kids is not possible because you have other things to do you need to say no. You may also need to spend some quality time with your husband away from home - even if you go for a picknick in the park.
dr Bets

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