advertisement
Question
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2011/01/06

Am I being difficult

Hi CS,
I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and here is hoping 2011 is filled with only good things for you.

Well, firstly for some odd reason I am missing the ex, the one that hurt me so badly and that is now dead, it just feels so strange that he is not around anymore.

The new beau in my life is an odd one, he drives me up the wall, we have moments where things get just too hairy for words, he doesn''t understand me, he keeps pushing buttons, it is as if he wants me to be fully dependent on him. He calls himself my husband and wants to have sex all the time. I avoid it happening as I don''t want this to be part of our relationship yet. I am scared that if we have sex he will have a hold on me and I will not be able to get away if I have to.

He know''s I have a drinking problem and has plied me with alcohol. I am the one that put a halt to this as I just can''t take it anymore, I become another person at times, he seems to like this, because then he is in control or something, I then also have blackouts and don''t have any idea want has transpired, there are moments of clarity but not much.

He has pushed me even when I am not fully inebriated to do things I wouldn''t normally do in a fit of anger. At least one good thing I now manage to do is to leave, but he keeps getting me to give him another chance. He is a very nice person...... I am afraid of him in a certain sense because he is a big man. He doesn''t like my friends either and just walks out if they visit not saying goodbye or anything. He actually once checked on me as well, driving past my house, a friend was visiting, I had told him I will be by him shortly, didn''t mention the friend as didn''t feel it was relevant. When I got there he stood over me and asked if I had something to say, since there was nothing untoward I said no, he then asked who was by me, I asked why, he then told me he rode past my place and saw the white golf, I told him he knows who it belongs to, he moved into my personal space and stood against me asking why I hadn''t mentioned him. I told him it wasn''t relevant to our conversation, I was coming to visit him later and the person was visiting me for a few minutes.

What should I do, I feel I need to get out of this relationship but again I feel trapped, he keeps asking me to take him back and makes a very good argument, but then immediately calls hiimself my husband and so forth, it is very nerve racking?

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi BT - lets hope we all have a better 2011 than the 2010 we had.
One ca miss even folks that caused us pain - maybe missing the good parts within them, maybe just the usual dificulty of breaking bad habits.
THAT's the " odd not having him around" part.
Nothing you say about the new guy sounds at all promising. Sometimes you leap into a mnew relationship with someone clearly unsuitable, because you fear being alone in a relationship with yourself, or want to avoid the fulfilling work of getting to know and like yourself and to enjoy your own company.
As he sems to push your riskier buttons, and uses sex and alcohol to ensnare you, that's BAD and worth getting out of before you get deeper into it. You know the alcohol is bad for every aspect of your life, and interferes with any other form of treatment
Stop giving him "another chance". He sounds more sinister, more of a stalker than a safe or ultimately good companion. Move on safely.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: Me | 2011/01/06

Beyond tired.............I''m not surprised at your pseudonym. Just read your post and listen to what you are saying. Congratulation for recognising that there is a problem, and I agree with the advise to run..............run as fast as you can. You have found the courage to get out before, now just find the courage to stay out.

Good luck.

Reply to Me
Posted by: Casey | 2011/01/06

You''re not difficult. I agree with Phil, run as fast as you can. This guy sounds like he is one of those jealous &  obsessive boyfriends.

Reply to Casey
Posted by: Phil | 2011/01/06

Run, run real fast...

Reply to Phil
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/06

Hi BT - lets hope we all have a better 2011 than the 2010 we had.
One ca miss even folks that caused us pain - maybe missing the good parts within them, maybe just the usual dificulty of breaking bad habits.
THAT's the " odd not having him around" part.
Nothing you say about the new guy sounds at all promising. Sometimes you leap into a mnew relationship with someone clearly unsuitable, because you fear being alone in a relationship with yourself, or want to avoid the fulfilling work of getting to know and like yourself and to enjoy your own company.
As he sems to push your riskier buttons, and uses sex and alcohol to ensnare you, that's BAD and worth getting out of before you get deeper into it. You know the alcohol is bad for every aspect of your life, and interferes with any other form of treatment
Stop giving him "another chance". He sounds more sinister, more of a stalker than a safe or ultimately good companion. Move on safely.

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement