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Posted by: NADIA | 2013-01-20

AM I AT FAULT

4HI ALL.MY BEST FRIEND IS MALE AND HE RECENTLY MET AND STARTED DATING A LADY WHO WHEN WE WERE INTRODUCED TO HER BY MY MALE FRIEND WAS VERY FRIENDLY AND AND GOT ALONG WITH ALL OUR OTHER FRIENDS(HE THREW A SMALL BRAAI AND INVITED HER ).A WEEK OR TWO AFTER THAT BRAAI MY FRIEND CALLED TO TELL ME THAT THEY HAD STARTED DATING AND THAT SHE HAS A PROBLEM WITH HIM AND I BEING FRIENDS,THIS BEACAUSE HE DROPPED ME OFF AT MY PLACE THE DAY OF THE BRAAI .I DON''T HAVE A CAR AND SHE WAS AWARE OF THAT AND THEY WERE NOT EVEN DATING THEN.I WAS SHOCKED AND RATHER DISAPPOINTED BY HER REACTION AS I WAS FULLY SUPPORTIVE OF THEIR UNION AND MEANT NO HARM WHATSOEVER.ANYWAY MY FRIENDSHIP WITH MY MALE FRIEND STARTED CHANGING ,WE COMMUNICATED AND SAW LESS OF EACHOTHER WHICH HURT ME BUT I TRIED MY BEST TO UNDERSTAND AND EVEN THOUGHT IT WAS BEST TO END THE FRIENDSHIP AS I FELT NEGLECTED.WE SPOKE ABOUT IT HOWEVER AND I SUGGESTED THAT MAYBE IF SHE AND I WERE TO BE AROUND EACH OTHER WITH HIM AROUND THAT SHE POSSIBLY SEE THAT I AM SO NOT A THREAT TO THEIR RELATIONSHIP BUT I GUESS IT FELL ONTO DEAF EARS AS HE IS YET TO MAKE IT HAPPEN.THIS MAKES IT DIFFICULT FOR THEIR RELATIONSHIP AND OUR FRIENDSHIP.FOR E.G SINCE WE HAVEN''T BEEN SEEING MUCH OF EACHOTHER AND HAVEN''T DONE SO SINCE OCTOBER , HE ASKED IF WE COULD HANG OUT WITH OUR GROUP OF FRIENDS THIS WEEKEND AND WE ALL DID BUT SHE WAS NOT PRESENT BUT KNEW ABOUT ALL OF THIS.WE ALL HAD FUN UNTIL OUR PLANS FOR TODAY WERE CANCELLED DUE TO HER SAYING SHE WAS COMING TO VISIT HI M TODAY,SO HE CANCELLED ME OUT BUT CONTINUED WITH HER AND OUR OTHER FRIENDS,THIS AFTER HE TOLD ME THAT FOR SOME REASON HE IS NO LONGER INTERESTED IN HER BUT DOESN''T KNOW HOW OR IF HE CAN BREAK IT OFF.I WAS VERY UPSET BY THIS AS I DIDN''T SEE A PROBLEM WITH ALL OF US BEING TOGETHER -WE HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE.I APOLOGISED TO HIM FOR BEING SELFISH BUT AM I REALLY BEING UNRESONABLE AND SELFISH HERE AND IF SO HOW CAN WE ALL BETTER HANDLE THIS TRICKY SITUATION?ALSO I GET A FEELING THAT HE MAY HAVE LED HER TO BELIEVE THAT I WAS A THREAT ON PURPOSE. AM I BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM AS MY FRIEND?THANKS,

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OUCH! DO learn that online and in text, writing entirely in capitals is considered to be SHOUTING, and very rude, as well as very hard to read.
She sounds too insecure and interested in disrupting his normal friendships with others like you. If he manipulated her by pretending you were a threat to her, that was bad behaviour and you should drop him anyway. And if he will take orders from someone he has just met, and drop an old friend, then he wasn't a friend to start with, and you have lost les than it feels like

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: Mine | 2013-02-06

Sadly, yes, you are fault. But so is your male friend. Your fault is geting grumpy when your friend needs space to allow a fledgling relationship to develop and grow. His is for coming back to tell you what his girlfriend''s concern that were communicated to him in confidence. The two of you need to decide what you want - either take your friendship further - or give each other space for your respective relationships to develop. If you choode the latter, you must both understand that the primary relationship is between girlfriend/boyfriend, and friends have a responsibility not to stand in the way.

Reply to Mine
Posted by: Tiny | 2013-01-23

Yes you are at fault.
I personally think you have a thing for this man. dont come here and play goodie goodie, you sound like you are a friend with benefits hence all this does''nt sit well with you. Leave them alone man...nxaa

Reply to Tiny
Posted by: S Curl | 2013-01-21

I am in a similar type of situation and I told my boyfriend that I do no feeel comfortable to see him around HER. Reason being she calls my boyfriend anytime she feels like it no matter how much my biyfriend will try politely to stop her she will call when she is at my boyfriendas house gate to say hey -|-r open the gate i am outside. She will talk about whater she feels like without taking into consideration that I am this man''s girlfriend. I just dont like the way she can be disrespectful. So yes I dont like female friends to be closer to him at work yes its fine but after hours it is just not fair and it does not show respect to the other party.
Nadia next time please try to avoid capslock

Reply to S Curl
Posted by: Christiana | 2013-01-21

I think you are better of without him as your friend. He surely must have lead her to believe you are a threat. Just. Cut out all contacts with your friend. Cause. A true friend never chooses a strange. Over their friends. (unless, she was his wife).

Reply to Christiana

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