Our expert says:
I'm surprsed that more women don't recognize, ahead of time, this very common situation. If you get together and live with a guy, its so easy to set up a situation in which he is getting absolutely everything he might want in a relationship, without committment let alone marriage - and then ask him to provide committment. What earthly extra advantage would that be for him ?
Fro the sound of it, he was never likely to be the sort of new partner you were hoping for, and never wanted to provide what you were expecting. Maybe all these expectations were assumed or unexpressed, sdo you were able to misunderstand each other so much.
Depending o his previous bad experiences within marriage, his concerns may or may not be realistic or justified, but as you say after the years you have been together he presumabl knows you better than he did his wife when he married her, and he is unlikely to need to learn more before being able to make a wise decision here.
Have a serious calm discussion with him putting your very resonable qyestion to him, and making it clear you plan to leabe this relationship unless he can give you a reasonable and satisfactory response
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