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Question
Posted by: Alice | 2011/11/01

Am I a victim

I love my husband. And to everybody he is the perfect husband and father - even takes time off from work to stay at hospital with our baby.

However, he gets extremely angry. Yesterday he cursed me and I tried to hold his hands down when wanting to tell him to stop cursing me...
I ended up with a large bump on my head and a little blood in my hair - he throw me against the foor on doorframe or something.

Do I need to go see a pshyciatrist for being too stupid to keep on staying with him?
What if the courts decide he will have custody of our child???

Or, can I try convincing him to see someone?

We have seen a pshyciatrist separately in 2007/2008 - she wanted him to return and was finished talking to me - he never whent back because I did not have to.
We also saw a marriage counsellor after that, but he was angry of a lot of things I said in councelling - untill he did not want to go back as I am lying to the councellor.

Please help!
He can be the most concederable person, but jeallousy (amoung other things) makes him violent.
Although yesterday was not the first time something happend  it was the worst that has happend.

I know if someone told me this, I would advise to leave him - but I keep making excuses.

I would love for my baby to grow up with a loving mom and dad.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe he's a reasonably good father ( though being a really good father includes never being abusive towards the mother ). And what you're describing is already abusive, and potentially criminal assault. No court with any sense would consider giving child custody to an abuser. Have your assault and wounds photographed if possible, and witnessed and placed on record.
Aparently you have yourself genuinely tried therapy with and without him, and he has not accepted it in a sufficiently sincere way for there to be any way
Almost all abusers CAN be pleasant AT TIMES, when it suits them. But that's not enough to justify remaining with them. Consult a group like POWA which exists to help the abused.
It would indeed be ideal for your child to grow up with a loving mom and dad, but the dad is deficient in loving and cannot provide that. It is NOT good for a child to grow up in a family where women get abused, and men get away with that

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Motlaletwa | 2011/11/01

I am a y age 38, still unmarried. extremely jealous, insecure, possessive. I pray to god to help me overcome this behaviour as I am hurting people who loves me. What I have realised lately is that I am the one loosing out and causing heartache to myself as I am convince that I am doing this to people who love me dearly.

Reply to Motlaletwa
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/11/01

Maybe he's a reasonably good father ( though being a really good father includes never being abusive towards the mother ). And what you're describing is already abusive, and potentially criminal assault. No court with any sense would consider giving child custody to an abuser. Have your assault and wounds photographed if possible, and witnessed and placed on record.
Aparently you have yourself genuinely tried therapy with and without him, and he has not accepted it in a sufficiently sincere way for there to be any way
Almost all abusers CAN be pleasant AT TIMES, when it suits them. But that's not enough to justify remaining with them. Consult a group like POWA which exists to help the abused.
It would indeed be ideal for your child to grow up with a loving mom and dad, but the dad is deficient in loving and cannot provide that. It is NOT good for a child to grow up in a family where women get abused, and men get away with that

Reply to cybershrink

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