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Question
Posted by: Jane | 2012/10/29

Am I A Gold Digger???

Good day Doc

A month ago i met this guy on internet dating so we''ve been seing eachother form then,he stays a bit far from where i stay so we meet over the weekends,he comes over to my place...so a week ago i asked him to assist me with R200 as i was struggling till monthend,he came up with excuses but ended up promising that he was gonna bring me the money when he came over yesterday,but he did''nt come during the weekend and he did not bother explaining why he did not come over...i''m feeling bad as i am not used to asking for some money from a guy,i know maybe he thinks i''m some kind of a Golddigger or something as it was quite early for me to be asking for some assistance from him...i don''t know weather i should call him and ask why did''nt he come over or should just let him be???

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

When an encounter is assumed to be about romance, bringing up money usually lowers the temperature. But maybe it depends on how you said it - if he is spending weekends with you, and expecting you to pay for any additional costs ( what are these ? Extra food ? presumably the rest of your expenses would be identical ) is not unreasonable to ask if he can contribute towards such expenses. But were you asking for extra costs caused by his visit ( surely if he took you out for a meal, he'd have paid for it ? Or were you asking for help to get through your normal month on your normal budget, in which case it was far more unwise and unhelpful
Gold-diggers usually dig much deeper, and expect a whole lot more gold than that.
Maria's sugegstion makes sense - call him, and say you're sorry if your comment bothered him, as that wasn't your intention. Maybe you could explore whether its convenient for him to visit with you, and whether maybe it'd suit him better for you to visit him, if he wants to see you at all ?

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: Hello | 2012/10/29

Well all the readers by far gave good comments. All you can do is either text him and say, you really sorry you about asking him for the money. But your friend loaned money which made you run short. But she paid you back. And don''t ever ask a guy money, unless he is already in your bed. Or attempting to get you there.

Reply to Hello
Posted by: Kate | 2012/10/29

I have to say, that was not off to a good start.
You could have instead asked a family member or close friend.
That was def. a huge turn off and also must have sent alarm bells ringing in his head. Not that you a gold digger but that you do not know how to deal with your money or that you one of those chick that constantly borrow and expect things from guys and he''s outa there.

If you really into him call him and see where he''s minds at and if he still wants to continue with you or just cut your losses and move on as you kinda have ruined the start of that relationship.

Reply to Kate
Posted by: 40''ish | 2012/10/29

I have been in a relationship for over 8 years and I''ve never asked for money, I am to proud.

I don''t understand people like you who finds it " normal"  to just ask anyone for money.

1st he now knows you will always be asking him
2nd he knows you can''t work with money

And so early in a relationship (if you can call it that) its'' a good sign for a man to hit the road running.

Reply to 40''ish
Posted by: Maria | 2012/10/29

It was much too early in the relationship to ask for financial assistance and you can''t really blame the guy for being cautious. It''s also not really fair that he must travel to you all the time, is it? Maybe call him and apologise for asking for money. Tell him that you realised afterwards it was inappropriate. Then see if he mentions any future weekend visits. If he doesn''t, well then he''s moved on.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/10/29

When an encounter is assumed to be about romance, bringing up money usually lowers the temperature. But maybe it depends on how you said it - if he is spending weekends with you, and expecting you to pay for any additional costs ( what are these ? Extra food ? presumably the rest of your expenses would be identical ) is not unreasonable to ask if he can contribute towards such expenses. But were you asking for extra costs caused by his visit ( surely if he took you out for a meal, he'd have paid for it ? Or were you asking for help to get through your normal month on your normal budget, in which case it was far more unwise and unhelpful
Gold-diggers usually dig much deeper, and expect a whole lot more gold than that.
Maria's sugegstion makes sense - call him, and say you're sorry if your comment bothered him, as that wasn't your intention. Maybe you could explore whether its convenient for him to visit with you, and whether maybe it'd suit him better for you to visit him, if he wants to see you at all ?

Reply to cybershrink

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