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Question
Posted by: Jessica | 2010/12/03

Am helpless with my 6 year old son

My son is six years old, and likes to cry a lot. He is always bullied at school, he is scared of everything or anything, scared of swimming, scared of being shouted at, scared of everyone looking at him when he performs an activity infront at school. he seems like he is not emotionally ready, how can I help him, he also has no condfidence , he gives up easily on tasks given to him if he cant find solutions.
He fears his teacher, what can i do to help be a strong boy, will he ver grow out of it. The only thing he enjoys are cartoons its the only thing he talks about, he associates everything around him with these cartoons is it normal?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I doubt very much that he LIKES crying ! OK, maybe he has a lack of self-confidence, and perhaps some bad experiences art the school have magnified these concerns in him.
Some sessions with a child psychologist would be a good investiment, to assess what has been going on, and to guide the boy and yourself in how best to deal with all this.
Again, excellent advice from Purple.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Denise | 2010/12/06

Another thing that no one pointed out is that kids are very perceptive and he''s probably picking up your fears and is acting on them. Keeping him at home does not help at all- when does he socialize, play with other people if you keep him so sheltered?

Reply to Denise
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/12/04

I doubt very much that he LIKES crying ! OK, maybe he has a lack of self-confidence, and perhaps some bad experiences art the school have magnified these concerns in him.
Some sessions with a child psychologist would be a good investiment, to assess what has been going on, and to guide the boy and yourself in how best to deal with all this.
Again, excellent advice from Purple.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Purple | 2010/12/03

When children are continually picked as victims by bullies, there is a problem that needs to be resolved.

I would suggest you visit a good child psycholgist to help your son to learn the skills he needs to carry himself like he has a right to be on the planet so that he becomes less of a victim.

Karate is also a sport that gives children a lot of confidence to defend themselves, however, you need to be very careful of which dojo you choose, as some of the sensei''s feel the need to shout at the children. You get plenty who actually know how to work with children though, build up their self confidence. Children who do karate don''t become aggressive, they learn to take pride in themselves, to follow instructions, they get very physically fit and they learn the confidence to defend themselves. My son has 3 times defended himself admirably against older children on playgrounds who have cornered him, but he is a very gentle little soul and I think he always will be.

If the teachers at his school make him frightened, I wonder how good they are at their jobs and how good the school is. Perhaps you need to find somewhere smaller and more nurturing?

Try to build up his confidence in hmiself at home by letting him try new tasks, such as drinking from a glass and not a plastic cup, making his own bed, learning to run his own bath under your guidance and so on. This way he can see that he can do things for himself.
Make sure that the way you and the family speak to him is always in a positive way, don''t say " don''t drive your car on the wall" , say " please drive your car on the floor" and so on.
Praise him when he does well (but don''t go over the top) and say " better luck next time"  when he fails, and then make him do it again, when he finally gets it right, his pride in himself will be immense.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: JESSICA | 2010/12/03

Thanx, Guys !Yes there is no father at home, the father left before he was even born, he doesnt know him. " Bboy"  you are correct, I''m raising him under my skirt, its only me and him and no body else. I''m scared of even taking him to other houses in case he gets molested and not talk about it.
Happiness, I will do what u suggested take him to an occupational Therapist, I will be gentle with him coz at times I''m also harsh trying to stop this girlish behaviour" 
The other day he hit another boy so hard and ran away and hid when i confronted him about it he defended himself by saying that I once told him to fight back when other kids beat him, I just gave up from that very moment.....

Reply to JESSICA
Posted by: Bboy | 2010/12/03

Clearly you sound like a very caring mother in that, but I don''t agree with this conforting his bullies, bringing in teachers yes there are good ones but they feel as grief as you do, today teaching is a job not a calling, as for impatient with the kid,why are we as parents there, teach him at home if he is slow let him practice to be fast gone are the days when we depend on teachers alone, my child is at a highly paid school and there are spoilt brats/bullies, I taugh my son if he is slow practise practise I don''t run to teachers they have a hugh load of admin to do let''s take some pressure of them as well, we can''t all run to them that is why they strike for more money and there isn''t

Reply to Bboy
Posted by: Happiness | 2010/12/03


Take him to an Occupational therapist regarding the confidence and perfomance in school. If he''s scared of the teacher, there is a good reason why. It could be the teachers get very impatient with him.

Never shout at him. Talk to him like you do with an adult. If he''s making a mistake sit him down and explain exactly why you don''t like his actions.
Give him a lot of assurance, hugs kisses and praises at all the times.

Jessica if your kid is being bullied at school you MUST take action. Kids commit suicide because of being bullied at school and getting no help from parents. He''s too young, get teachers involved. Even if it means " contronting"  the kids who bully him.

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: Bboy | 2010/12/03

Jip I see your dilema, first of all you don''t mention a father,is there a father in this child''s life, or even a father figure in the form of your brother, dad, uncle, I know life today you can''t trust anyone but he needs male guidance...however if there is thenI need to blame you for raising him under your skirt till this age, I speak under correction WHAT WERE YOU THINKING...solution from now on organise playdates for the bloke at your house or at trustworthy parent''s house..alternatively it could only be a pshycological think let a shrink examine him maybe sometin happened to him that you have no knowledge of... bottom line he needs help urgently as all the children at school will pick on him, that is very very very bad for his future and/or career

Reply to Bboy

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