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Question
Posted by: shona | 2011/03/04

Always sad

I have been married for 36 years. My husband and I work together, go to church together etc. So we are basically almost 24/7 in each others faces. In light of this fact I would say we get on really well. However, my nature is such that because he may laugh and joke with me now and in the next ten minutes grouch or complain about something small I have this permanent curtain up. I DO NOT joke or laugh with him and keep things very serious all the time while around him. He is different he can be happy now, make jokes etc and yes then be a real grouch in ten minutes time. Why am I like this?, how can I change this. When I am with my family I am so happy and laughing but with him so serious. He often asks why cant you laugh and be happy with me like with your family.... thats how I am. If you greet me sometimes and sometimes not then I rather not greet you ever at all!. I cant be happy now and just now you going to bitch about something small, then I rather just be " glum"  all the time. I would really like to change this but not sure how or what is causing it. I have also had a LOT of sadness in my life and for the last few years now, battle to cry or show emotion, but do feel sad a lot.
Please help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe you are too much in each other's company. And its sad that you feel defensive when he tries to joke with you, and that you never try to joke with him. Marriage and indeed other relationships are never intended to be so darn solemn ! Why not agree to see a marriage counsellor together and explore all these aspects of your relatiomnship, to enable it to become more comfortable and relaxed and enjoyable for both of you ? And to see a fully qualified marriage counsellor, eg through FAMSA, rather than a church-based counsellor, who may not have as much training, experience and breadth of skills

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/05

Maybe you are too much in each other's company. And its sad that you feel defensive when he tries to joke with you, and that you never try to joke with him. Marriage and indeed other relationships are never intended to be so darn solemn ! Why not agree to see a marriage counsellor together and explore all these aspects of your relatiomnship, to enable it to become more comfortable and relaxed and enjoyable for both of you ? And to see a fully qualified marriage counsellor, eg through FAMSA, rather than a church-based counsellor, who may not have as much training, experience and breadth of skills

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