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Question
Posted by: Andre de Jager | 2010/02/03

Always better and bigger

I want to know what kind of disease or syndrome one has when, everything is always better on their side, things are always bigger, greener, worse, etc. on their side. They always know better, know everything, nothing can be worse that their own situation, or better than their own situation. They have more money than other people, have the worst illness than anybode, their child is better than other, their child has the worse illness than any other child, etc.
This person, she is driving me crazy and I cannot stand her presence at work anymore. Please give me a full description of what it is that this lady is missing in live so that one can tell her to go and see someone.
Thanks a lot. I cannot wait for your reply.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This sort of pattern is quite common in people, who ( paradoxically, you might think ) secretly have a rather LOW opinion of themselves, and try to make themselves feel bigger, by not only puffing themselves up, but putting other people down, directly or indirectly.
Now, if you try to tell her to see someone ( however much that might benefit her and everyone else who has to put up with her showing of ) of course she would not see anyone. Unless she could be persuaded that, as in some American communities, seeing a shrink and getting counselling is terribly cool and special.
Sometimes, you can frustrate them by seeing which way their wind is blowing, and getting there before them - if they're starting to complain about their life being more oawful than yours, agree and go further - tell her you feel ashamed for even mentioning your problems in the presence of someone who deals so bravely with such awful burdens, and how you really don't want to take up any more of her valuable time talking about your problems or even hers, as she obviously needs all the time she can get in order to deal bravely with her troubles.
Or, when she starts to brag, out-brag her, but about herself, not you ( so she can't disagree ) - remind her that while whatever she's boasting of today is outstandingly great, you can't forget what she was talking about yesterday, which is so outstanding you kept remembering it all through the night - and could she tell you more about THAT.
Appear totally sincere, and give no hint that you are mocking her, and it could spoil all her fun in boasting
And I've met more than a few computer programmers like that - I wonder if they get special lectures on how to do this ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Purple | 2010/02/03

If my sister in law was a computer programmer, I' d say you worked with her.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: brandslang | 2010/02/03

I think she needs to be, " moet net lekker gespyker word." 

Reply to brandslang
Posted by: Andre | 2010/02/03

Hi Magda, she is a computer programmer. Does it really make a difference?

Reply to Andre
Posted by: Magda | 2010/02/03

what kind of work does she do?

Reply to Magda
Posted by: Phil | 2010/02/03

Sorry, people like that actually really believe themselves. Nothing you say will change that...lol

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Jason | 2010/02/03

I thinks it' s called low self-steem.

She probably feels neglected and is just looking for attention.

Ignore her and she' ll start realising that she' s not getting the attention she wants.

Simple.

Reply to Jason
Posted by: Whena | 2010/02/03

She suffers from a serious inferiority complex

Reply to Whena
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/02/03

This sort of pattern is quite common in people, who ( paradoxically, you might think ) secretly have a rather LOW opinion of themselves, and try to make themselves feel bigger, by not only puffing themselves up, but putting other people down, directly or indirectly.
Now, if you try to tell her to see someone ( however much that might benefit her and everyone else who has to put up with her showing of ) of course she would not see anyone. Unless she could be persuaded that, as in some American communities, seeing a shrink and getting counselling is terribly cool and special.
Sometimes, you can frustrate them by seeing which way their wind is blowing, and getting there before them - if they're starting to complain about their life being more oawful than yours, agree and go further - tell her you feel ashamed for even mentioning your problems in the presence of someone who deals so bravely with such awful burdens, and how you really don't want to take up any more of her valuable time talking about your problems or even hers, as she obviously needs all the time she can get in order to deal bravely with her troubles.
Or, when she starts to brag, out-brag her, but about herself, not you ( so she can't disagree ) - remind her that while whatever she's boasting of today is outstandingly great, you can't forget what she was talking about yesterday, which is so outstanding you kept remembering it all through the night - and could she tell you more about THAT.
Appear totally sincere, and give no hint that you are mocking her, and it could spoil all her fun in boasting
And I've met more than a few computer programmers like that - I wonder if they get special lectures on how to do this ?

Reply to cybershrink

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