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Question
Posted by: Neil | 2009/11/23

Alone between people

I think I need help. I feel very alone and wish for attention from anybody. I am a 30year old man married with 9month old child. My wife and I don' t really talk anymore, I am always wrong and she is right. I am not aloud to buy anything, it' s not debateable. We are not really struggling with money. We physically last touched about 16months ago, so the bedroom is like sharing it with my grandmother. I am really feeling sad everyday, and dread hometime in the afternoon because there would be another thing I did wrong or should have done that I didn' t. I am at the stage that I don' t argue or try to explain anymore. I don' t have friends anymore because they don' t feel comfortable to come anymore because she will make a point of it to humilate me infront of them by picking a fight with me and telling me how useless I am.

I think I do bring my side, tell me if I am wrong, when I get home I cook, prepare our sons bottles, and snacks for the next day pack his bag for the next day. Prepare our lunches for the next day. Do running maintenance on what ever needs fixing.

I know that having a child do alter one' s relationship but I didn' t think it would have been for the worse. I am still inlove with her and it breaks my heart everytime that she has got nothing nice to say to me, or " barks"  at me.

She says that I didn' t support her during the pregnancy and that I don' t love her anymore.
I don' t know how to fix the problem, and its getting worse day by day.

I am just feeling so alone. That I would probaly do her a vavour by just dissapearing. I have thought of suicide but I cannot, I don' t want to " drop"  my boy, I want to be a father for him. I really wish that I can turn her hatred for me into love for me, but I have given up trying. I am feeling alone inside myself.
Where can I go for help?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I feel that people who demand to be loved, as your wife apparently does, have some duty to try to be lobeavle, rather than being as unpleasant as they can as a sort of challenge.
She may not at first like the idea of marriage counselling ( though if she saw it as a way to deal with the problems SHE thinks she has with you, she might go along with it. Maybe at first, though, some direct personal counselling for you would help you deal with this sad situation better and to prepare for couples counselling, and how to prepare the best way to eventually suggest this to her.
If she is still reading books about depression, it may well still be active in her, though something she may not want to recognize and face.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2009/11/23

Why don' t you go for counselling on your own first, and maybe get some input into the best way to handle the situation? It can definitely still be the depression, which really messes with your head. It sounds as if you are also becoming depressed, so first get help for yourself.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Neil | 2009/11/23

Maria

She says that it cannot be the depression anymore because its to long ago, according to all the books she has read. So trying to convince her otherwise is virtually impossible, been there got the T-shirt. I am actually to scared to ask if she would go with to marraige counseling, because that will explode big time in my face, I know it. I just don' t know what to do anymore. I should probably put on my battle gear and suggest that we go for counselling. I just don' t want to have another fight on hand and get ZERO results from it.

Reply to Neil
Posted by: Maria | 2009/11/23

Oh Neil... perhaps she is suffering from post natal depression? Could you discuss that with her / her doc? That could cause some of the problems you describe. Other than that, will she join you for marriage counselling?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/11/23

I feel that people who demand to be loved, as your wife apparently does, have some duty to try to be lobeavle, rather than being as unpleasant as they can as a sort of challenge.
She may not at first like the idea of marriage counselling ( though if she saw it as a way to deal with the problems SHE thinks she has with you, she might go along with it. Maybe at first, though, some direct personal counselling for you would help you deal with this sad situation better and to prepare for couples counselling, and how to prepare the best way to eventually suggest this to her.
If she is still reading books about depression, it may well still be active in her, though something she may not want to recognize and face.

Reply to cybershrink

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