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Question
Posted by: Bluesgirl | 2010-11-08

Alcoholic partner finally wants to get help

Dear CS

My partner is a binge drinker. He can go for days or weeks without drinking and then suddenly will get drunk 3 nights in a row. He also can''t have " just one beer" . Once he starts, he won''t stop till he is passed out.

He has put me through hell and we have a 10 month old baby whom I am solely responsible for, because I never know whether he is coming home. He is always very remorseful after the fact and has on a couple of occassions sought help. He went to the AA a couple of times but he feels he is " not like THOSE people"  because he doesn''t have to get up in the morning and have a drink.

He now says he wants to go on Anti-booze, but I don''t know if that will work because I don''t think he is chemically dependent on alcohol. If he can go for days or weeks without drinking, he has got some other problem!

He has also said that he will see a therapist. THAT for me is key. His father is an alcoholic, his mother was addicted to anti-depressants for most of his childhood years.

His disease has broken my spirit. I am on anti-depressants because of his disease. I have no self esteem. My heart is breaking for my little girl.

I just pray that he can sort this nonsense out before he leaves her the legacy his parents have left him.

I don''t really have a question I guess. Just wanted to get that off my chest.

He wants me to go with him to the GP tomorrow and I''ll go, but I already decided to not say anything unless the GP asks me directly, because I don''t want it to be about me and I don''t want to put words in my partner''s mouth.

This must be about him...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK, he is alcoholic / a problem drinker. They may try to insist that because they don't drink every day, they're not, but of you drink excessively and to the point that it causes problems, that's problem drinking.
AA really works, but not for everybody - especially not for those who claim a special status and insist they're "not like those" - if he drinks to the point of it causing problems, he IS "like those". And with his genes, if his fatehr was alcoholic and his mother chemically dependent, his risk of becoming similarly aflicted was of course high.
As for Antabuse, it's not about "chemical dependency", but about how it is used. Even if you or I took Antabuse ( or other similar products ) we would feel sick if we rank alcohol, because it interferes with how alcohol is metabolized. But of course if a binge drinker takes it admirably when not drinking, and stops it in enough time before a binge, it won't work. It just helps to strengthen someone's resolve to stay stopped, by making it unpleasant to drink.
Hes, of course he must see a counsellor / psychotherapist. And you also deserve to see a counsellor to remove the damage you have suffered from this and to recover your self-esteem.
GO with him to see the GP, to see that he remains honest to what he has promised, and to see that proper appointments are made with the appropriate specialists. You don't need to put words into his mouth, but it could be useful for you, when asked, to express your own experience of these problems.

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1
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-11-08

OK, he is alcoholic / a problem drinker. They may try to insist that because they don't drink every day, they're not, but of you drink excessively and to the point that it causes problems, that's problem drinking.
AA really works, but not for everybody - especially not for those who claim a special status and insist they're "not like those" - if he drinks to the point of it causing problems, he IS "like those". And with his genes, if his fatehr was alcoholic and his mother chemically dependent, his risk of becoming similarly aflicted was of course high.
As for Antabuse, it's not about "chemical dependency", but about how it is used. Even if you or I took Antabuse ( or other similar products ) we would feel sick if we rank alcohol, because it interferes with how alcohol is metabolized. But of course if a binge drinker takes it admirably when not drinking, and stops it in enough time before a binge, it won't work. It just helps to strengthen someone's resolve to stay stopped, by making it unpleasant to drink.
Hes, of course he must see a counsellor / psychotherapist. And you also deserve to see a counsellor to remove the damage you have suffered from this and to recover your self-esteem.
GO with him to see the GP, to see that he remains honest to what he has promised, and to see that proper appointments are made with the appropriate specialists. You don't need to put words into his mouth, but it could be useful for you, when asked, to express your own experience of these problems.

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