Posted by: Ouch | 2008-11-03

Alcoholic boyfriend (I think)

My boyfriend of a year is an alcoholic (I think.) He doesn' t drink every day (we live together so I know this), but he never lets a chance to drink go by. I' d say he probably drinks about 2 beers every second day. I can live with this. BUT sometimes he goes completely overboard (I' d say once a month). When this happens he just disappears and I don' t know where he is or what he is doing. He won' t answer my phonecalls and reduces me to a nagging " wife" . Last night this happened (out of the blue... he was supposed to visit a friend and come home... he arrived at 3 am this morning). Naturally I was beside my self with worry! He was incredibly drunk and he had an accident with his motorcycle (a brand new bike he bought on Wednesday).

I am a successful, professional, responsible 31 year old woman, but I have low self esteem. I cannot seem to let this guy go. When we are happy, we are very happy, when this happens I want to kill him. I clearly have self esteem issues, because what right minded woman would be involved with a guy like this?

The thing is, he has so much potential. He is talented, kind, and a beautiful person. But he has had a very very rough childhood and his behaviour is as a result of growing up with an alcoholic, violent father and a mother who was addicted to prescription meds since he was 11.

What can we do? He admits he has a problem and he is scared by it, but we are both overwhelmed. I love him and I want to help him, but I don' t know what to do. I guess therapy would be the answer, but at R600 a psychologist visit we just cannot afford it now.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

There are several patterns of alcoholism and problem drinking, and Binge Drinking is one of them. Maybe you deserve to see a good psychotherapist / counsellor to work on your self-esteem, to appreciate your strengths and to stop feeling dependent on a loser. His potential is worthless when accompanies by self-sabotage on this scale. If he admits there is a problem, there's much he can do with a government hospital or clinic and AA.
HE mustn't make the R 600 he probably wouldn't need to pay, into an excuse for not doing anything. And how much does his month;y alcohol bill add up to ( plus bike repairs ) ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: anon | 2008-11-04

to alcho: my hubby is a alcoholic and admits it but does not make a move - promised me three weeks ago to go for help at either sanca of aa, but never did... tried antbuse - didnt work, how can I get him to go for help? please help

Reply to anon
Posted by: well done | 2008-11-04

well done alcho, thats brilliant!!!!

Reply to well done
Posted by: Alcho | 2008-11-03

If he admits it then you are already one step closer to treatment.

Get him to phone the AA and attend their meetings, it' s free and it works.

I was an alcoholic and attended only 2 meetings and this is what made me realise what booze does to you and the people around you. I have gone from drinking a bottle of brandy + per day to zero and have been clean for over 2 years now.

Reply to Alcho
Posted by: Kb | 2008-11-03

Well said Steff - he does sound selfish.
Ouch - get out while you can.

Reply to Kb
Posted by: Steff | 2008-11-03

Hes being selfish. Not an alcoholic. Why doesnt he take you with when he goes out?
And if he had such a bad childhood growing up with an alcoholic father, why is he giving you the same grief? Im a strong believer in living above your childhood circumstances. Why dont you go out with some friends one night while he sits at home, switch your cellphone off, and let him worry a bit!
I dated a guy with " alot of potential" , the thing is, its just that, potential. Will he ever use that potential? and do you really want to worry about this guy for another couple of years while you coulve gone out and met someone that wanted just to be with you?

Reply to Steff
Posted by: Nozi | 2008-11-03

Help him!! phone a goverment hospital or get a psychologist to refer you to gov clinic they do wonders with his kind there, my partner has stopped drinking for the past two and a half years thanks to them.Gets counselling and meds on a monthly basis, they advised him to visit the AA which he did but found after 4 visits and my nuturing he could do without the AA.
They are sick and wont admit it so it' s up to you to help only if his agreeble.
Call lifeline near you, if you can' t afford it you give a donation, maybe they can give you a referral letter as that is all you need for the gov clinic.

Reply to Nozi

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