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Question
Posted by: Kylie | 2008/09/22

Alcoholic boyfriend???

Hi,

I have a problem with my boyfriend' s drinking. I don' t mind him drinking but I just don' t want him to get drunk every time.
He doesn' t drink very often but when he drinks he cannot stop until he is drunk. He never admits that he is drunk and we usually end up fighting. I have told him how I feel and that I don' t want to be the one that has to carry him up the stairs, bath him, put him to bed etc. I' m not his mother, I' m his girlfriend.

His family drinks alot and cannot go without alcohol. His parents let their two sons drink with them from middle high school and now cannot understand why they cannot stop. His brother is even worse. He cannot even get drunk anymore.
They don' t know what a hangover means.

I have told him that I think he is an alcoholic (I see it that if you start drinking and you cannot stop that you have a problem). He sees it that if you drink everyday then you are an alcoholic.

When he is drunk he is such a sweetheart, he tells everyone how beautiful I am and brags about me BUT he can become really angry in an instant and start a huge fight with anyone and everyone. He is known as the big man, the man that does the fighting and wins.
He usually tells me that he has to uphold his reputation otherwise people will think he is a wuss.
He was arrested last year for fighting with a policeman.
Before I met him he was in a fight every weekend. Since we' ve been together (4years) he has been in about 5 fights.

I have told him that I don' t want him to fight because I don' t want to see him get hurt but he promises (like the drinking) that he will stop but he never does.

I don' t want us to go out anymore because I usually become a stressball. I have to watch out for any sign that will make him aggressive and start punching people.

Like this weekend, he starts drinking and after a while I saw that he' s becoming drunk. I asked him to please slow it down and he told me that he doesn' t want to drink anymore. When he thinks that I am not looking he will pour himself another drink and when I confront him he will just say that this is going to be his last one.

I handle our money and he knows that he will not get any money to buy a drink when he knows that he had to much to drink, so he will go behind my back and ask his friends to buy him a drink.

His friends think I am too strict and feels sorry for him. They cannot understand that I do not mind him drinking but I don' t want to worry about him getting into a fight or being like a baby.
I usually tell them that they just want him for the fun part and when it is time to get the baby home and care for him they just give him back to me.

I don' t know what to. We want to get married next year but I do not want to take that step if this is not resolved.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This is one of the patterns of alcoholism or at the kleast problem drinking, and he deserves proper expert help for this. Its about time he grew up, and realized that nobody thinks he's a man because he gets drunk and fights --- real men don't need to do that. There isn't the faintest reason for your friends to feel sorry for him, and in encouraging him to be sensible and mature, you're not being demanding. Don't proceed with mariage until these problems have been sorted out, preferably with relationship / couples counselling.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Sg | 2008/09/23

I would be careful about continuing with this relationship.The signs are all there.

Reply to Sg
Posted by: anon | 2008/09/23

i have exactly the same problem... exept, we are married - 12 years.. I agree with the cybershrink, out of experience, don' t marry him until the problem is sorted.. it gets worse...

Reply to anon

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