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Question
Posted by: amy | 2010-04-13

alcoholic

Hi i am dating an ex-addict for 4 years now. he has been clean for 2 years now and has really proved himself by buying a house and really been successful in his job...we r engaged and recently he has been putting pressure on me for a commitment(marraige). I dnt know wat to do cos i still have this fear in me " wat if he goes back"  . wat should i do? We are both 27

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its a rational fear, yet you clearly don't want to be needlessly unfair IF he has got his act together permanently. It is possible indeed that he has achieved that. Unfortunately, only time will tell. BBR's response is very insightful and helpful.
And he also raises the curous existence of people who seem to be offended by anyone who does NOT drink, and think it clever to taunt you to drink, or even to slip alcohol into a drink. One wonders about their motivation - presumably to prove to themselves a false belief that everyone is as dependent on booze as they already are.

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Our users say:
Posted by: amy | 2010-04-13

thank u...that really made me feel much better

Reply to amy
Posted by: BBR | 2010-04-13

Hi Amy
If I look at his age and the fact that he stopped drinking 2 years ago, that will put him where I was when I stopped, I''m 41 now and still clean. Booze is no issue in my life anymore, I go out with friends to pubs etc and only drink coke or something else, I do everything I used to do and never consider just having that " one"  drink. There is nothing wrong with being concerned about the fact that he had a drinking problem, as long as he remembers that and just gets on with life without booze. In most cases when you have stopped for long enough, it''s just not an issue to you anymore. I still meet people from time to time who for some reason have an issue with the fact that I don''t drink, but that''s their problem. If you really love this guy and want to spend the rest of your life with him, go for it. If it''s what you want don''t be scared to discuss your fears with him, as he must be man enough to understand them, then you can make it clear that if he goes back to booze it will end your marriage. Unfortunately some people do go back, but a lot of us don''t.

Reply to BBR
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-04-13

Its a rational fear, yet you clearly don't want to be needlessly unfair IF he has got his act together permanently. It is possible indeed that he has achieved that. Unfortunately, only time will tell. BBR's response is very insightful and helpful.
And he also raises the curous existence of people who seem to be offended by anyone who does NOT drink, and think it clever to taunt you to drink, or even to slip alcohol into a drink. One wonders about their motivation - presumably to prove to themselves a false belief that everyone is as dependent on booze as they already are.

Reply to cybershrink

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