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Question
Posted by: Woolly | 2009-06-26

Alcohol ruined everything

This isn' t really a question.

I finally gave up trying to change my partner this week. He is a binge drinker (won' t admit he has a problem) and after going through every possible strategy (begging, crying, threatening, screaming, bargaining, etc, etc) I' ve finally realised that he won' t change.

He clearly loves drinking more than he loves me and our baby which is due in December.

My heart is broken. Mostly for my baby' s sake. I love him, but my baby deserved a father. Pity he chose alcohol.

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Our expert says:
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It is often the signifcant other that needs to set the boundaries with an addict that is either in denial, active addiction, recovery or relapse. I am going to post you a similar reply that I posted for some others...what sometimes works with an addict in denial is for their significant other to focus on another observation that is concerning... for example depression etc - and then see if the individual with the alcohol/drug problem is willing to go see a mental health professional for an evaluation - such as a psychiatrist, clinical psychologist or clinical social worker (the SANCA network can also help with this). Failing all else - the individual can be confronted with options (preferably from a mental health professional or significant other - perhaps with the help of ToughLove) - na, that either they decide what credible help they will seak - or that the family/sig. other is forced to commence statutory procedures (Act 20 or 1992 - Prevention and Treatment of Drug Dependency Act) - which is basically a court order (implemented by a social worker) - for state alcohol/drug rehabilitation. I would say, first try the other routes, and if all else fails - consider the statutory route. Also concact a local/nearest SANCA branch to guide you - perhaps join a ToughLove group for your own support.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Been there | 2009-06-26

Then you have made the correct choice. To put your family first. You won' t feel better about it immediately, but for the moment this can be causing you depression and at a later stage maybe anxiety after the baby is born. For this reason I have decided not to become preganant. I have only been married 14 months. Be strong and know that there are people out there thinking of you. xxx

Reply to Been there
Posted by: Woolly | 2009-06-26

Thanks Been There.

I' m not sticking around for it anymore. He chose. He lost me and his child.

He is exactly the same. He sees himself as a social drinker. He got the example from his father.

My baby will have a better example.

I asked him to move out by the end of the month.

Reply to Woolly
Posted by: Been there | 2009-06-26

I' m so sorry to hear this. I have managed to get my husband off the dreaded tik for the last 2 months, but unfortunately he will not stop abusing alcohol. He does not see it as having a problem. He reckons he is a social drinker, but... Just remember there are people out there that can still help you, if not your husband. keep strong!

Reply to Been there

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