Posted by: Losing Hope | 2009-03-24

Alcohol Our Problem

Hey guys. I' m 24 years old and been married for almost 5 years. From the get go I could see he had a problem with drink. Of course when you' re in love you think things will get better just because you asked them to. Over the years it' s obviously been getting worse. I keep giving him last chances over and over again. Just when I think things are going well he goes and drinks again. I' ve gotten him literature from AA to give him that push. He promises me he' ll go but then lands up ' forgetting' . When money' s tight he' ll come home quite drunk and I KNOW he' s been drinking, it' s not my imagination. He denies it so well that I end up doubting myself! It' s totally fustrating. Lately I' ve given up fighting with him, it' s pointless. Last night I said to him that maybe a separation might be best for both of us. Of course he went mad saying ' if you want a divorce, well so be it. I don' t want one but it' s your choice.'  Again putting me on a major guilt trip. This morning, not a word from him as if he' s forgotten our ' chat' . My father was an alcoholic and I' ve seen how my mother suffered trying to save a man who didn' t want to be saved. I don' t want to wake up in 20 years pining for a life lost but on the other hand I don' t want to leave my husband and want to see him get better. His mother died of pancreatic cancer when he was young. I' ve tried to tell him that with that cancer in the family, he should seriously rethink the drinking but nothing seems to help. I know he' s manipulating me but I don' t know how to handle him and it' s just easier for me to give in most of the time as I' ve totally lost my fight.

Please can someone point me in the right direction for the both of us.


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

" I keep giving him last chances over and over again. " As I always say, only one last chance per customer, otherwise you lose all credibility. An alcoholics promises are worthless. And he is a master of denial. You have no basis for feeling guilty, nor for accepting his attempts to shirk responsibility for his choices and blame you.
You ma need to leave him, making any possible return conditional on him stopping drinkgin and staying stopped --- jopining AA and going to all meetings, seeing a rehab clinic and going through rehab, and consider even seeing him again, only after 6 months of sobriety.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: MILES | 2009-05-16

Hi there I was there about 6 yrs ago my boyfriend than -used to drink everyday &  he never worked. I felt pregnant he still drank like a fish. I got tired of that life because I worked all alone for myself the baby &  him. Eventually he got so sick &  the doctors give him the bad news one more glass &  his mother should buy him a coffin. He was in hospital for 3 months &  asked the doctors to see his daugther I took the child to hospital just one look at her he started to cry. My daugther was very afraid of him lying there on the hospital bed I told him that we can not go like this. I can not put my child through all this any more (SHE WAS ONLY 2YRS OLD BY THAN) I loved him with my whole heart &  soul &  I promised to help him. When he came out of the hospital we got a house of our own, I help him with his problem, we prayed together everyday &  our relationship became stronger. Today we are happliy married both of us have good jobs, he got a car &  we are excepting our second child. I believe in GOD &  PRAYING without the LORD in our lives nothing will work out. My hubby is now 5 yrs sober &  very happy- he always tell people that he is glad the LORD made him sick becuse today he can help others with same problem &  give advice &  he is a better person. I think that drinking is all in the mind &  one should have a stronger will power to overpower it.Its all in the mind because if u drink on a Monday the wholes day the next morning your mind tells you that u got a hangover so u go drink again &  so it goes on &  on until you tell your you can stay without it. People tend to make ALOCHOL their life, THE BEST ADVICE WITH WOMAN WITH ALOCOHOLIC HUBBYS PRAY FOR HIM &  PUT THEIR LIVES IN THE HANDS OF OUR HOLY FATER, don' t figth or nag on them just show them love &  give them a help. I know for most its very difficult but believe me it will be worth trying.

Reply to MILES
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-05-12

I am 27 years sober and living a happy family life thanks to AA

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: suede | 2009-04-21

I left my boyfriend because of drinking, what are you doing with an alcoholic, you have no future cause nothing serious you' ll discuss with him forgett it girl you are lost get out before you loose your jackets and shoes exchanging them for booze.

Reply to suede
Posted by: stupid | 2009-04-17

I have the same problem - for 6 years - lately he comes home behaving as if drunk - but no smell . Any ideas ?

Reply to stupid
Posted by: Special one | 2009-04-16

Because you tolerate it, the moment you tolerate it, he will drink more. Get out of his life or enjoy the melancholy a drunkard. Life goes on without him.


Reply to Special one
Posted by: Amthere | 2009-04-06

mine has lost his job due to his drinking, i have to provide everything for him and our 3 boys but he is still drinking like a fish (his friends buy him booze). i know leaving is the best thing i can do for myself and the boys but i cannot find courage to do it. i do not want people to think i left him because he lost his job. i was thinking of waiting for him to get a job and then leave but i am starting to wonder when thatt will be at the rate things are going.

Reply to Amthere
Posted by: Wasthere | 2009-03-24

Dear Loosing Hope,
I was there, at the same age you are now. I just turned 24, I' ve been living with my alcholic BF for 2 years, we' ve been together for 7years. Yes, it only got worse. No, he never stopped. One night he came home from a strip club,drunk as always. I looked at this person in front of me, and thought to myself: ' I must be crazy! Who could possible love this aggressive gambling, strip-club-member drunk staggering in front of me' . I' m not proud of it, but at that point I hated myself as much as I hated what he was doing to me. I packed my stuff right then and left. Same night. And I never looked back. I love my life as it is now. Its been well over a year and its the best thing I could have done. Even the 1st couple of months after leaving which is suppose to be the worse, was better than living with a drunk.
Good luck, there really is hope.

Reply to Wasthere
Posted by: ME | 2009-03-24

I am afraid there is no soft landing here. As hard and difficult as it is feeling now, the best thing u can do is to leave him. Give him one last chance with a clear understanding that if it happens again, u r out. He know u r not serious when u threaten to leave. Rather do it now whilst u r still young. He MUST go for treatment, he got a serious drinking problem. Please dont do urself short in this marrigae, u deserve much much better than this treatment. Being married should be one of the big joys of life and u r not getting joy out of this. He is depening on it that u will feel sorry for him. Please, one more chance and then u leave, and dont go back unless he go for treatment. Good Luck and hope u make ur decision soon, u deserve much better in life.

Reply to ME

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