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Question
Posted by: Sas | 2009/10/28

ALCOHOL ABUSE ADVICE

Hi

Was referred here from the articles re abuse.
My spouse' s alcohol (beer) intake is worrying me. Some days he' ll have a couple be fine, eat dinner and if i can say it this way, is his normal self.
Other days he does not know when to stop, becomes agumentative and an irritation to be around, i am starting to believe he has narcissistic tendencies as a result of his verbal abuse.
I forgive him, tell him he is loved and needs help.I make sure he knows how he behaved while drunk and he is always sorry and apologises for his behaviour. His family drink quite alot too, they grew up this way. They come from financially stable backgrounds, they drink for pleasure or because 6pm is drinks time. We are both 40 now and as a result of his behaviour i do not take a drink at all to make sure i am rational and can handle his drunk state rationally. I have told him if i drank too we' d kill one another.
What do i do, he does not accept that he needs help and will not go for therapy or rehab! I have said he chose beer over his marriage. He denies rhis of course. It' s not daily but i dread the days when i can see he' s on his way...
Can you set up an intervention of sorts to force him to get help, i ma not sure how this works and if you can do it without too much mess and fuss.

thanks for any advice, appreciated.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Drunks and alcoholics do two things in excess - they drink a lot, and they apologise and promise a lot ( without keeping their promises ). Oh, and they uually have many explanations and don't accept that their behaviour could be a problem.
No treatment for alcohol problems works, unless the person actually wants to be helped, recognizes that there is a problem, and sincerely works at it.
Compulsory treatment is provided for by the law only where the person's life ( or those of others, or both ) are at risk due to their mental state, and that most probably does not apply here.
It's terribly sad, but problem drinkers can only be effectively treated, if at all, if they cooperate fully. All one can do is persuade, within or from outside of the relationship

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/10/28

Drunks and alcoholics do two things in excess - they drink a lot, and they apologise and promise a lot ( without keeping their promises ). Oh, and they uually have many explanations and don't accept that their behaviour could be a problem.
No treatment for alcohol problems works, unless the person actually wants to be helped, recognizes that there is a problem, and sincerely works at it.
Compulsory treatment is provided for by the law only where the person's life ( or those of others, or both ) are at risk due to their mental state, and that most probably does not apply here.
It's terribly sad, but problem drinkers can only be effectively treated, if at all, if they cooperate fully. All one can do is persuade, within or from outside of the relationship

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