Posted by: Speedfreak | 2008-12-21

AIDS test for 69 year and 71 year old?

I am a woman of 69 and have always been friends with a man since the age of 13 (me) and 15 (him). We dated later on and I promised to marry him when I came back from overseas in the early 60" s. However, I wasnot convinced that he was the man for me. I came back married, he married in the meantime. I lost my partner and he became my lover for a period of time - he is a doctorby the way. Then two years later I met my present husband, got married but because he was married late in life (38) he wasn' t as attentive to me as my first husband was - he was wonderful with my children though. He also was not veru sexually active even at 38. MY lover came came back and we had a torrid affair until 1983 when he broke it off as he was going to get married (he lost his first wife and three of his children in a card accident and my father and I went to the funeral.
I was devastated and had a breakdown also because of other reasons. We moved to the Garden Route where I could not even walk, was 45 kilos and couldn' t remember anything. My husband knew about our friendshiip but not the sex part so when I was so ill he called him in - he is a doctor in a nearby town. It took me two years to learn how to walk again etc. A lot of other horrible thiungs occurred and my sister died after two years battling wit cancer of the throat. He was a star and helped us tremendously
He suggested we meet for coffee and after 3 years I eventually gave in. His wife found out (had him followed by a private investigator) and it turned out my lover had feet of clay - he has a 14 year daughter but neither of us wanted to break up our marriages anyway, just to be companionable, have sex and talk. Since his wife forbade him to contact me I have respected that but the only thing I was wondering about because she said I was not the only girlfriend he had, is whether I should get my self tested for HIV. I find it slightly ridiculous that I should test at the age of 69 and he is a doctor after all but it does bug me. Should I phone him and ask if I should have a test, should I just go and have a test (embarrassing at my age) and where do I go?

We are both well respected in our communities but I expect that means nothing. I once asked him when we were having sex if we should not be more careful but he said he was a doctor and knew what he was doing.

Please don' t give snide comments and just tell me where to go - I live in a small town and he lives in a small town 75 ks away.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Any person having unprotected sex where the exclusivity of the relationship is not fully guaranteed should be tested for STIs, including HIV, irrespective of age. You are responsible for your own health and well-being. “Trust me, I’m a doctor” is not sufficient. I would suggest that you go in for a general check-up with your family doctor and request an HIV test as part of this examination. If this is uncomfortable, tests are freely done at various state clinics. Take some young people along and say that “every South African should know their status” – lead by example. You may consider using the female condom when having intercourse if your partner is unwilling to use male condoms.

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