Our expert says:
I remember your sad story.
Neither of you are happy as things are - that's probably the most important point.
She was selfish to deny you sex for so many years, and if this was caused by some psych problem she had, she should have gone for treatment for her own benefit, as well as yours.
But its also very understandable that she will be even more reluctant both due to the HIV/AIDS issue and due to the infidelity issue.
I disagree with Susan to the extent that to deny one's spouse any sex for years on end is in itself selfish and abusive, and though not justifying infidelity, certainly makes it highly understandable. Its unfair and inaccurate to insist on viewing her as an entirely blameless victim here.
Both of you made mistakes, and it seems that you're the only one who regrets them.
Isn't i9t time to consider divorce ? Is it possible that each of you could be happier separately than you are together ?
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