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Posted by: cereal killer | 2008/09/07

Ah, loneliness

Hello.

Lately, I can' t stop this feeling of being ' so alone'  in the world. I feel alone in feeling it too. They' re all there, they belong, and I don' t.
It isn' t imagined, I' d elaborate but choose not to explain why I know its really true and not just feelings - it' s too lame, the evidence! I don' t know when or how it happened, but at some point I was cut off socially, maybe after marriage - people assume my husbands always there and we' re always doing stuff and that he must be spoiling me rotten on special days and the truth is well, an extreme bleak opposite.

It' s gotten really bad, and I recognize the depression creeping back. I can' t seem to focus on what needs to be done work-wise, I just want to lie in bed. The worst part is when I open up to my mom or husband, I feel even worse after their indifference.
I can' t handle it, I' ve come to that point of loneliness where I actually don' t WANT to see or be with anyone. What I' d like to know is - How to cope, what to do, things that have worked on people who are isolated from others...

I also would love short-term advice as I do plan on seeing a counselor soon!!
Thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hello CK !
I know what you mean about loneliness. Sometimes one actually HAS masny people in one's life, but feel isolated fgrom them and others ; sometimes one is indeed largely alone. After the death of my mother, sorting out things, I suddenly realize that except for some younger and nasty relatives that aren't at all close, I'm about all that's left --- certainly I'm the oldest left. SO when I find a photo and wodner who the people in it are, I realize I can't ask anyone, and indeed I'm the one anyone else in the extended family would need to ask such questions.
But the sort of feelings of alienation you describe are more common and distressing than most people realize.
And you make another telling point about the difference between the lives we actually lead, and the convenient fiction other people develop about the lives they assume we lead. And those are self-serving, as their fictional version explains comfortably why they don't need to bother about you.
And yes, if the people you have available to open up to either cant be bothered or, more often, minimise what you're saying because they fear they can't handle it, that's tough.
The situation you describe is one in which ( surprise ! ) I would recommend seeking and engaging in CBT ( Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ) as it would deliver what you're asking for, not only in helping you identify the most fruitful ways of dealing with these feelings of depression and alienation, and of tackling the real as well as the sensation of, isolation. If can be done, and it is rewarding to do so.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cereal killer | 2008/09/09

Thank you CS, your advice is always good to read :) I laughed at the (surprise!) at CBT. Definitely sorting this bugger out soon. Take care

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