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Question
Posted by: CONCERNED | 2011/06/06

AGGRESSION TOWARDS CHILD

Please help me to help a mother who constantly shouts at her 5yr old daughter. I feel as though she is always putting the child down.
The mother was on drugs a while ago and I don''t know if that is the cause.

It''s difficult to ascertain whether she still takes drugs but this weekend she woke up with a very bad headache and was sweating - she said she had a fever and has the flu. But i''f one is so sick why would you be screaming at the child.

They live with me and I have told her to stop speaking to the child in that manner because that is how the child will speak to her eventually. How else can I tackle this problem.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Well, obviously, the mother having been on drugs is highly significant. She may have the flu, or be experiencing withdrawal from one or more of the drugs she usually takes, making her flu-ey and irritable. None of this of course justifies her screaming at her child. No drug addict is able to be a good mother, and some are atrocious mothers. Their allegiance is to the drug more than to any other human, child or otherwise.
Yo haven't explained why she is living with you, or under what agreed conditions ( I would never allow any drug addict who was still even potentially still consuming drugs, to live with me. Maybe child welfare ought to look into the best interests of the child, and the mother should promptly get into rehab, either provitely or through some state facility. There is no possible benefit for her to be encouraged or enabled to continue indulging her addictions.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Truth | 2011/06/06

you have posted before and were advised this is your sons problem.
If the mother was in rehab and had no were to go this would have been the perfect time for your son to have got custody, where is he in all this?It is ridiculous that your own son cannot visit your home because of the lodger.
Social services are overloaded and will probably not help.
You need legal advice to solve this - which we advised last time.
Your son needs to come to the party and you need to stop being a victim rescuer.

Reply to Truth
Posted by: CONCERNED | 2011/06/06

This girl comes from a dysfunctional family and while she was in rehab I was contacted and asked if she could stay with us as she had no where to go. She is the mother of mygrandchild is my sons ex g/f.
She goes to work every day and does not spend much money so I can''t say whether he still abuses drugs. She is actually a very moody girl, and dioes not assit with anything inthe house. Isee to the child before the mother gets home from work beause she is always telling the child that she is tired and needs to get done etc etc. I have been to Social Services because I wanted to get guarianship of little girl but after almost a year no one has bothered to come to my home. Child''s dad would like her to live with him but she is very attached to her mother. This also poses a problem because he can never fetch her from our house if her mother is there. I''m at my wits end because I''m in the middle of this mess and am trying to keep the peace. My health is going to pay the price for all this stress but I want to do what''s best for the child. Have actually always done so. Even ensured that she got enrolled at school for Grade R etc. I tend to want to rescue everyone but it doesn''t seem to work. I have to learn to let go I suppose.

Reply to CONCERNED
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/06/06

Well, obviously, the mother having been on drugs is highly significant. She may have the flu, or be experiencing withdrawal from one or more of the drugs she usually takes, making her flu-ey and irritable. None of this of course justifies her screaming at her child. No drug addict is able to be a good mother, and some are atrocious mothers. Their allegiance is to the drug more than to any other human, child or otherwise.
Yo haven't explained why she is living with you, or under what agreed conditions ( I would never allow any drug addict who was still even potentially still consuming drugs, to live with me. Maybe child welfare ought to look into the best interests of the child, and the mother should promptly get into rehab, either provitely or through some state facility. There is no possible benefit for her to be encouraged or enabled to continue indulging her addictions.

Reply to cybershrink

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