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Posted by: Meneer | 2012/10/31

Age difference

My girlfriend and I are deeply in love or should I say were until this morning when we realised that she is older than me with about 4 years. It doesn''t bother me at all and doesn''t change my feelings for. However she mentioned that she is flabbergated by the whole discovery. I don''t know what to do but decided to remain calm and give her an opportunity to digest it. Believe you me, I love her and prepared to respect her decision and cultural values even if it can turn out to be favourable or unfavourable, the latter will be painful though. My question is does the person''s age have to be determining factor in a relationship?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

As I often have to point out, such small differences in years of age are trivial ; what matters more is differences in maturity and interests and life-style. I can't understand how any sensible person could be "flabbergasted" to discover such a tiny age difference. I suppose some people just gast their flabbers more easily than others....
By the way, while I know of a number of cultures which quite favour larger age differences than that, I can't think of any which find it appalling, especially when so small.
And actually, if someone omsosts opn making this a determining factor in a relationship, I would strongly suspect that there are other factors at work, and that this is simply being uzed as an excuse.

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Our users say:
Posted by: From Experience | 2012/11/01

I once dated an amazing guy who was 4 years younger. He was very mature and just really understood me. The age difference bothered me at lot (as I thought he still needed time to party his heart out) and in the end, I ended it. To this day, and this is 12 years later, I really regret that I didnt give our relationship the chance it deserved. Now I will forever be left wondering what would have happened.

Reply to From Experience
Posted by: Mistry | 2012/10/31

I am a 35 year old black lady dating a younger guy (5 years) younger, and must say at the beginning it was difficult, and it was not easy for me when i was with my friends and the topic comes out (Eish, you should hear comments shared about older women dating a younger man). Anyway i decided to ignore their comments and see where the relationship will go. So far so good. Like claire said, society is too conservative but encourage her to give it a try, you don''t have to go and share with everyone your age difference. Good luck

Reply to Mistry
Posted by: Meneer | 2012/10/31

@ Lee, in some communities it is always expected that a man should always be older than a woman, hence leading people to formulate values around the notion.

Reply to Meneer
Posted by: Claire | 2012/10/31

4 years is not a lot. Sounds like you love each other and have a connection. Tho you dont mention for how long you''ve been together. (hopefully its not just infatuation)
I have been married for 3 years to a man 9,5 years younger than me, we have the most amazing 2 year old. We have such a happy and loving life, are truly meant to be together, Society is too conservative when it comes to these things. Follow your heart &  intuition. All r=the beat

Reply to Claire
Posted by: Kyra | 2012/10/31

Age is but a number. I am 8 yrs older than my husband. I am 49 and he is 41 - no big deal! To be honest, I have always preferred men who are a bit younger and I got away with it as I don''t look my age. It is also quite a boost to one''s ego when a younger man gives attention to an older woman. It seems to be bothering her a lot more than you. Tell her to get over it and just enjoy one another''s company!

Reply to Kyra
Posted by: Lee | 2012/10/31

What cultural values are you referring to?

Reply to Lee
Posted by: Meneer | 2012/10/31

I honestly love this woman and not willing to let go of her and dont want to be forceful.

Reply to Meneer
Posted by: Kate | 2012/10/31

Not at all! Uless perhaps she is 70 and you are 25 BUT 4 years is nothing at all. Wonder why the shock...

Reply to Kate
Posted by: XXX | 2012/10/31

Four years age difference is nothing,no reason why it should not work

Reply to XXX
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/10/31

As I often have to point out, such small differences in years of age are trivial ; what matters more is differences in maturity and interests and life-style. I can't understand how any sensible person could be "flabbergasted" to discover such a tiny age difference. I suppose some people just gast their flabbers more easily than others....
By the way, while I know of a number of cultures which quite favour larger age differences than that, I can't think of any which find it appalling, especially when so small.
And actually, if someone omsosts opn making this a determining factor in a relationship, I would strongly suspect that there are other factors at work, and that this is simply being uzed as an excuse.

Reply to cybershrink

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