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Question
Posted by: Connie | 2012-10-02

Age difference

My daughter age 32 got divorced after a abusive marriage of 8 years. Being a single mom brought many tears but she''s ok now and it''s been two years since the divorce. She met a guy age 45 (two kids) not so long ago and the relationship is serious. I am so scared that the age difference might catch-up later and the thought of another divorce freaks me out. Should I talk to her about this or not

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Good that she eventually got out of an abusive marriage. I dont think age differences necessarily cause any problems at all, though major differences in social and emoptional maturity can be problematic. Its more relevant, in the situation you decribe, whether she is psychologically free of her anusive marriage, and able to embark on a free new relationship without being undult haunted by it ; and whether he, too, is properly over his previous marriage.
She'd probably not appreicate your trying to tell her what to do, but a sympathetic chat raising such themes as questions, asking her opinion, might be helpful

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2012-10-03

My advise in this situation is - leave her to make her own decisions. I fully understand your concern (I am a mother too) but honestly let her be.

I personally feel an older man has been through the ups an downs of life (parties, friends, g/friends, mid life crisis) and now is looking to settle and have a life partner that will be there for him.

Be happy for your daughter.......

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Tanya | 2012-10-02

What you could discuss with her is NOT to rush into another marriage and to take this relationship slowly. IMO 13 years is not a huge age difference at the stages that they are.

I know its not easy to get a 32 year old to listen to mother''s advice - they always think we talk nonsense - but you can at least try and delay a marriage until she is absolutely sure.

On the other hand we, as mothers, are happy if our children - no matter their age - are happy too so its quite a difficult situation. Also remind her that you are concerned about her well-being because you love her and you care. Good Luck!

Reply to Tanya
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-10-02

Good that she eventually got out of an abusive marriage. I dont think age differences necessarily cause any problems at all, though major differences in social and emoptional maturity can be problematic. Its more relevant, in the situation you decribe, whether she is psychologically free of her anusive marriage, and able to embark on a free new relationship without being undult haunted by it ; and whether he, too, is properly over his previous marriage.
She'd probably not appreicate your trying to tell her what to do, but a sympathetic chat raising such themes as questions, asking her opinion, might be helpful

Reply to cybershrink

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