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Question
Posted by: 44 | 2011/04/17

again

you think im this upset because i feel abandoned by her?

i was watching idols and then heard something i put the sound off to hear Ne crying....i go to the backdoor she is sitting by the garage door crying like mad saying she is waiting for " igi" ...i said igi come tomorrow...come lets go have a warm bath and she goes off and screams I DONT WANT TO....WANT IGI ...IGI COME NOW...

what to do dear CS

PS. this is a bit long but its an eye opener:


THE VILLAGE IDIOT






(A story to introduce the reader to Cerebral Palsy)

Once upon a time, long long ago, a 150 years and more, there was a village which had its very own idiot. The name of the village is not very important as this story repeated itself in all the villages and towns through out the whole wide world. Where this idiot came from no one knew, one day he was just there. Now the villagers were not very proud of their idiot, in fact the very opposite, they hated him! They thought he was possessed by evil demons!

The idiot lived in a hovel at the edge of the town. A hovel made from old sacks, sticks and mud. He slept on a bed of dirty straw. He never bathed with the result the stench made the villagers loath him even more. He lived by raiding the garbage cans in the village for scraps of food, now and then one of the kinder villagers would give some crusts of bread. He would work at some menial tasks for a few pennies, such as cleaning pig sties and latrines. Work not fit for human beings! He went through a daily routine of being whipped, cudgeled and cursed at. The children of the village, singly were terrified of him, in a group they mocked, teased, taunted and threw stones at him.




Where did these idiots come from? Surrounding the village for many miles, were thousands of farms and small holdings. Now and then a baby was born to a farmer and his wife with obvious physical deformations. Its life was short lived. The farmer would drown it, strangle it or merely leave it outside to die of exposure. Still born! They would tell family and friends. Now and then a baby would be born without obvious defects. It would take a few years for them to realize that all was not right. Maybe the baby did not walk at the correct age or maybe it did not talk at the right time. Eventually they would realize that their baby was retarded. Too late to kill it. After all, even in those days murder was illegal. When the child was 11 or 12 years old, the farmer showed him to the door and chased him from the farm. Being very poor, he could not afford to feed a child who did not work for his keep.

This miserable child wandered down the path until he came upon a road. Then followed the road until he came to a village. At the village he stayed, there were many dust bins in which to scavenge for food. He found an old shack at the edge of the village. It was made from old sacks, sticks and mud and had a bed of dirty straw. He moved in. The cycle like the Phoenix, repeated itself.

What caused these children to be born retarded? Accidental brain damage! Before, during or shortly after birth. Perhaps the pregnant mother, busy with her chores, bumped her tummy on the corner of the table. " Ouch,"  she cried, but feeling the baby kick was re-assured that all was well, and soon forgot the incident. Maybe during birth the umbilical cord was caught around the babies neck and oxygen starvation damaged the brain. Perhaps when the baby was a week old, a bad case of diarrhea caused dehydration and this damaged the brain. The developing baby and child has a soft skull until the age of three and many different accident types as well as illness can cause brain damage

In England, approximately 1850, knowing these children were not possessed by the devil, but merely brain damaged, they started the first homes for Cerebral Palsy (mentally retarded) children. This web site is dedicated to these homes!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Whooosh, what a long one ! Surely you need much more complex an individual advice than I can offer here - wasn't there a psychologist involved earlier, who knows ne and can advise in detail on how to manage this sort of problem ? IF not, there needs to be.
Of course, people with CP may be physically handicapped, but without any mntal retardation, you know
Some excellent comments from readers about the value of thinking about WHY she prefers to be out there with the maid. Don't take it personally, though I know that's easy to say and hard to do. Remember in the past there have been many episodes when you felt about to be overwhelmed by it all, and then came right and coped splendidly.
And how is your own health these days, and is it possibly a factor in making this hard to handle ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Regular Reader | 2011/04/18

Im reading this forum for years now. Wondered how things were going with you CP Mom.
Dont have any advise but hang in there, youv''e been doing it for years and taken into account everyting you went through and what''s still hapenning, you are a very strong Woman and I take my hat off to you.
Did not know you were still with G, you married now?

Reply to Regular Reader
Posted by: Lee | 2011/04/18

Being a mother is one of the most precious and hardest jobs in the world. Being the mother of a special needs child is just beyond hard and having people with no experience of the heartache, adding their'' expert opinions is what makes it hell.
Keep going 44. I have great admiration for your sheer persistance and love for your daughter.

Reply to Lee
Posted by: 47 | 2011/04/18

obviously, for some reason, she prefers to spend time away from the (rowdy?) house and the people inside it. Forcing her to come inside might get her inside but won''t make her LIKE it there.

have you ever wondered what she hates about going inside? noise? chaos? no privacy? snotty comments? It has got to be at least one of these.

Ever wondered why she prefers the maid? One on one attention, quiet, peace, silence when needed? it has got to be one of these.

Ever wondered to think what life is like, for her? The little girl is obviously very unhappy and it has nothing to do with her disability....but everything about the vibe inside the house

Reply to 47
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/04/18

Whooosh, what a long one ! Surely you need much more complex an individual advice than I can offer here - wasn't there a psychologist involved earlier, who knows ne and can advise in detail on how to manage this sort of problem ? IF not, there needs to be.
Of course, people with CP may be physically handicapped, but without any mntal retardation, you know
Some excellent comments from readers about the value of thinking about WHY she prefers to be out there with the maid. Don't take it personally, though I know that's easy to say and hard to do. Remember in the past there have been many episodes when you felt about to be overwhelmed by it all, and then came right and coped splendidly.
And how is your own health these days, and is it possibly a factor in making this hard to handle ?

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Regular | 2011/04/17

You are right l do not understand why she is called a village idiot No matter how exhausting it must be she deserves, as we all do, to be treated with dignity and respect and not given such a label.

Reply to Regular
Posted by: 44 | 2011/04/17

if i dont feed her she WILL eat out of a dustbin or off the floor. If i dont dress her she''ll walk in what she has on. If i dont bathe her she will not do it herself, not her face, not her body, not her teeth.

if not for us they would still be " the village idiot" 

when she choses to leave the house " the village"  to go to the maid in the maids room i feel like .....ja how would you understand

Reply to 44
Posted by: Regular | 2011/04/17

Is it useful to compare Ne to a village idiot? it seems so unkind.

Reply to Regular

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