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Question
Posted by: Nix | 2012/03/09

Aftermath of suicide

Hi

I dont know if Im in the right place, but my twin brother was a crack addict, and the anniversary of his death is coming up next week, and I just dont know how to deal with everyone feeling like they have any right to have an opinion of him! Ive got people (who didn''t even know him) telling me that he must have been " selfish to kill himself"  (it wasn''''t accidental), that he "  could have stopped if he''''d wanted to"  ... I KNOW that he couldnt have stopped - he went to rehab 7 times, and he was no fool... How do I deal with these very uninformed people, who (Im sure in their own minds think they''''re "  helping"  me) are breaking my heart by speaking about my brother like that. I don''t wear rose tinted glasses about who he what he did, but he was my brother, and I loved him fiercely. They obviously dont know the first thing about addiction, but I dont have the energy to enlighten all of them. Tx

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Grief is had work, and anniversaries are usually tough. Yes, it's sad when people who didn't know him and who don't know what they're talking about ( which usually helps them to be even more certain that they're right ) make pronouncements about his life and death. They need to be ignored, though that's hard to do.
Maybe all you can do is to say to them it hurts you more than they can realize, to hear them make such assumptions about him, which don't help as you're sure they intend these to do, and that you'd appreciate it if they would leave you to your grief, and only offer advice on the matter i and when you ask for it.
If they ignore that, then treat them like a barking dog next door, ignore them and distract yourself until they stop barking.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: B | 2012/03/09

well, he''s probably sitting ''over there'' right now thinking what a totally nonsensical thing to have gotten up to in his life.
Just remember, although he suffered alot during life, for choices he made, mistakes, wotever, it most likely has added huge ''value'' for him as a spirit on his journey, as i think we all are.
This is what i believe anyway, may not be yours.
If you don''t take offense at this, google ''afterlifetv'' with Bob olsen and listen/view some of the conversations there. Especially the one on ''suicides''. Brought ''me'' huge comfort and many answers! Good luck

Reply to B
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/09

Grief is had work, and anniversaries are usually tough. Yes, it's sad when people who didn't know him and who don't know what they're talking about ( which usually helps them to be even more certain that they're right ) make pronouncements about his life and death. They need to be ignored, though that's hard to do.
Maybe all you can do is to say to them it hurts you more than they can realize, to hear them make such assumptions about him, which don't help as you're sure they intend these to do, and that you'd appreciate it if they would leave you to your grief, and only offer advice on the matter i and when you ask for it.
If they ignore that, then treat them like a barking dog next door, ignore them and distract yourself until they stop barking.

Reply to cybershrink

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