advertisement
Question
Posted by: roslyn | 2011-01-31

affects on child

hi there, im currently living in the cape i have a serious problem with my ex.
we were dating never married when i fell pregnant and living together at the time of our sons birth who is turning 5 this year may.
our relationship he turned into an aggressive and violent person, very controlling and we had screaming and shouting matches at home all the time. he did lay his hand on me a few times by throwing me by my neck. there were many occasions where he would throw things at him and shout at me all the time , the home life was horrific, i was suicidal and miserable and hated being with him but i had no job at the time and was petrified to leave cause often when i tried to leave the violence happened. I realised i had to get out before i ruin my own life..i met someone else and he gave me the strength to finally leave him and take my son out of that - the father would constantly put me down saying how shit i was as a mother and say i would never get full custoday cos i will ruin my son,after i moved out he would phone me constantly swearing and shouting at me , i had to get a restarinign order but i was too afraid to have it served on him as i know what his like and how aggressive and violent he was .. i was the one who stayed home for the first 15 motnhs of my sons life and i was the sole caregiver for him i looked after him and i was everything to him until i started working. anyway i was forced to give the father 50% custody but nothing down on paper,my child stayed by me two days on the by the father two days and so on and so on - he was about 2 at the time and very young, my son didnt handle it to well- he started acting up and screaming blue murder at night and having night terrors all the time and couldnt handle being to long without me, i had to take my son to a child psychologist who said he is far too young to be handling this, he needs to be with me full time until he is older so he did he stayed with me full time for a good 7 months or so and he got so much better, confident and happy.i trained my son to sleep in his own bed, to sleep with his ligth off , to get him into a routine. the father started demanidng slowley that he sees his son more and said i have to give it to him cos he has 50% rights but nothing has been done in court, he hasnt even applied for reassonable access but he is convinced the court gives him 50% residing rights- when my child was sick i was the one who stayed home with him not his dad, when he was in hospital i slept every night in the hospital and took off a week of work to be with my son not the father, when my son is sick i am the one runnign around making sure he has his medicines and im the one running around, making sure his extra mural like his karate is paid and his clothes are bought. . during the whole time since we been seperated wich is 2-3 years living apart he has paid maintenance to me once- and everytime my son come back from his dad i have to start from scratch with his routine cause i know he doesnt do much for him - he is good to him as a dad and loves his child but he never looks out for the best interest in his son, he is a lazy father. now the father is convinced i have no say about where the child lives as the law is 50/50 and nothing was done in court and i feel like im still being bulied by him even while we seperated. please help, i feel so lost 5 years is too long to be carrying on - i have asked the family law expert on the legal standings, i would like to know from a psychologist on how having a child home hopping could be good for them two days on two days off, does this not affect the child, how can it be good for a child to not know where they sleeping not know where their home is

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Why have you so carefully avoided going to court ? I doubt that any sensible court would give such a lousy father a 50 % right such as you have given him. And they could provide a restraining order, and if he ignores that he goes to jail. And the court can order him to pay maintenance for the child, whether or not he has access, and can require him to pay it.
The law is NOT 50/50, and if the father is telling you that, he is ognorant or lying. Get proper legal advice, maybe from the maintenance court and family advocate.
The court is supposed to decide such matters according to whatever will be best for the child, NOT according to whatever the father wants.
It is not favourable for a child to have all this confusion and uncertainty in his life, not yo spend time with a careless father

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: ROSLYN | 2011-01-31

i havent had money to go to court and until now i thought the father was right when he said the law gives him 50 :% rights and residing and i have to change it in court if i want my child with me full time but i had believed him and i feel so stupid knowing what i have done -

Reply to ROSLYN
Posted by: 123 | 2011-01-31

You must see a lawyer asap to sort this out, a phycologists report on your son will be done to decide the best way forward if necessary.Your ex must get a lawyer to and it would be best if the lawyers communicate rathher than you as a couple. This has been going on for 5 years and nothing has been resolved - you must get expert external advice and stick to it. Not following through with a restraining order out of fear is not acceptable. You owe it to your son to sort this out, even if it costs a bit it is money well spent and there are free law clinics in most towns. You are doing your son a great deservice buy not obtaining maintenance and visiting guidelines. ACT NOW.

Reply to 123
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-01-31

Why have you so carefully avoided going to court ? I doubt that any sensible court would give such a lousy father a 50 % right such as you have given him. And they could provide a restraining order, and if he ignores that he goes to jail. And the court can order him to pay maintenance for the child, whether or not he has access, and can require him to pay it.
The law is NOT 50/50, and if the father is telling you that, he is ognorant or lying. Get proper legal advice, maybe from the maintenance court and family advocate.
The court is supposed to decide such matters according to whatever will be best for the child, NOT according to whatever the father wants.
It is not favourable for a child to have all this confusion and uncertainty in his life, not yo spend time with a careless father

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement