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Question
Posted by: ANON | 2011/09/15

AFFECTION

Hi Doc,

I need your advice......
My Husband and I are in a constant battle about LOVE and AFFECTION.
We''ve know each other for 10 year, together for 3 years before we got married, married for 3 years before our daughter (3) and son (1) was born.
I''ve always been an introvert and finds it hard to express my emotions including affection towards my husband, I could never express my emotions and affection to my parents and siblings even but I do find it very easy to express this to my Children only, I can also express my emotions easily to colleagues and friends but find it difficult with my family and husband. Why is that?

Anyway, my husband on the other hand is an extrovert and showers me with love and affection so he expects this of me too, to the point that he now recents me for not being able to do so. I''ve tried, on numerous occasions, to explain to him that I find it hard to do this as I feel unsure of how he might react and I do not have the confidence to do so.

My Husband feel that I do not Love, appreciated or see him as my Hero, but I do.

I try really hard to show him in the way he would want me to, but once he puts me on the spot I loose my confidence and it sets me back. I''ve read the book " 5 LOVE LANGUAGES"  to help me with this but I need my husband to read it with me so he van understand me better too, he refuses!

What are your thoughts, I''d really appreciate your input.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Whether positive emotions exist is a valid concern ; but we all need to be flexible and understanding about the different ways in which different people are able to express them.
Presumably its easier for you to express emotions to your friends, because they are friends, but not as close or as important to you as a spouse.
Maybe your husband also has issues, about self-esteem and support ; maybe you don't need him to actually read the book with you, but just to read it, so you can both share the same models and ideas.
Maybe a few mariage counselling sessions would help, not because something big is lacking, but to help you both get on the same page, and able to sing and hear the same song

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/09/15

Whether positive emotions exist is a valid concern ; but we all need to be flexible and understanding about the different ways in which different people are able to express them.
Presumably its easier for you to express emotions to your friends, because they are friends, but not as close or as important to you as a spouse.
Maybe your husband also has issues, about self-esteem and support ; maybe you don't need him to actually read the book with you, but just to read it, so you can both share the same models and ideas.
Maybe a few mariage counselling sessions would help, not because something big is lacking, but to help you both get on the same page, and able to sing and hear the same song

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