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Question
Posted by: ANON | 2011-09-15

AFFECTION 2

" Whether positive emotions exist is a valid concern" ... can you pls explain what exactly you mean by this?

I do think my husband has an issue with self esteem but that is a very grey area to us at the moment.
My husband was on Cilift, precribed by our GP, between April and August this year, to help him cope with stress, anger and the pressure of our household and finances etc. It seemed to help alot ''cause he was much more positive and could handle situation much better. He was suppose to use this for 6 months and go back to the GP for a re-assessment but he felt that he could go without it and he has stopped the meds gradually.

I however feel that he needs to see someone as we had numerous discussion in the past about him always wanting to proof to everyone that he is someone they can be proud of, his friend, parents, brother etc etc...

But all of this above makes me feel guilty ''cause he keeps on asking me why I don''t go see a psychologist for my ISSUES with expressing emotion etc etc. I keep telling him that I don''t feel the need to go see someone as I sort out my issues in my head and I don''t let things effect my life like he does, I can''t help for the way I feel about emotions and expressing myself.

I really don''t know what to think and where to go from here.


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

The point I was trying to make, not specifically about or limited to, yourselves, was that while its reasonable to be concerned as to whether one's partner has genuine positive feelings for you and about you, maybe we shouldn't seek to prescribe exactly how they should express such feelings. Sometimes it's like a bilingual marriage, and one has to learn the other's language.
Sounds like he could indeed benefit from working with someone onn his issues of self-esteem, etc. Why not USE his concern that you should see someone, to suggest that you see someone TOGETHER, because whatever problems he sees in you obviously affect both of you, and you'd need to work together to solve them. This may enable him to do this with you, without feeling bad about himself needing help.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-09-15

The point I was trying to make, not specifically about or limited to, yourselves, was that while its reasonable to be concerned as to whether one's partner has genuine positive feelings for you and about you, maybe we shouldn't seek to prescribe exactly how they should express such feelings. Sometimes it's like a bilingual marriage, and one has to learn the other's language.
Sounds like he could indeed benefit from working with someone onn his issues of self-esteem, etc. Why not USE his concern that you should see someone, to suggest that you see someone TOGETHER, because whatever problems he sees in you obviously affect both of you, and you'd need to work together to solve them. This may enable him to do this with you, without feeling bad about himself needing help.

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