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Question
Posted by: HURT | 2010/06/24

AFFAIR HELP HURT &  BETRAYED

My husband &  I seperated for the reason to sort out our problems and to build our relationship again. Two weeks ago i knew that the marriage is definately and when i told him he dropped a bomb that he had a date that same night and would not cancel it as he was not sure how he felt and needed to do this date to find out. I let him go reluctantly and just after that we reconciled.
Since our reconciliation I have opened up myself again to him all my fears etc with no holding back.
Now have just found out , which he confirmed, that he actually had been dating another peson before this " coffee date"  before we reconciled and has had intercourse with her on one occasion. He says he could not tell me about it when we reconciled as he knew it would hurt me and confirmed he has ended it with her. He lied to me about being at work the night he went to her house to end it. I know he has ended the relationship as this crazy women posted messages on facebook. I am extremely hurt and feel betrayed that he outright lied about it and feel that i am not good enough for him as he went shopping whilst still married to me.
How on earth do i get past this? How do i build that trust again? Can a marriage survive this betrayal and can we move on?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Separation may at times be wise, but it's not primarily a way to actally sort out the problems that exist within a couple - marriage counselling is more likely to be useful in identifying and specifically working on the acknowledged problems.
Especially in the more complex situaion your describe, the assistance of a neutral and experienced counsellor could be crucial to enable you both to either work this all out satisfactorily, or decide to end the relationship more amicably and sensibly, and with a reduced chance of making the same mistakes again

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: A | 2010/06/24

A marriage ceratinly can get through that type of betryal but you have to be open and honest with each other and you MUST get help from a counsellor. Sometimes a different perspective makes the world of diff and you will certainly need the support.

Reply to A
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/06/24

Separation may at times be wise, but it's not primarily a way to actally sort out the problems that exist within a couple - marriage counselling is more likely to be useful in identifying and specifically working on the acknowledged problems.
Especially in the more complex situaion your describe, the assistance of a neutral and experienced counsellor could be crucial to enable you both to either work this all out satisfactorily, or decide to end the relationship more amicably and sensibly, and with a reduced chance of making the same mistakes again

Reply to cybershrink

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