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Posted by: as -|- tertjie | 2012/04/15

affair going wrong

being with someone while married is wrong. I know! I have been judged about it, made scared with words like God knows and will deal with you, blah blah blah... I know what I have done was wrong. But being married, for me, is also wrong since I don''t love my spouse anymore. Now, I have decided to divorse because I truly love the other person more and shared about 6 years of my life with her. When I told her what I am doing, she moved on! Got
a boyfriend and here I am! Alone. Where I am staying and working is being alone part of life! I just cannot believe that she will or can go on with her life without thinking of me and what good times we had together. How do I get over this hurt? How do I pull myself together and carry on? Thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

As I said the other time I responded to this question of yours :
When other people show disapproval or even anger when one does something wrong which hurts others, those reactions shouldn't be dismissed, as today they so often are, as "judging". Wrong is wrong, and we are cros with being "judged" because i makes it harder for us to forgive ourselves for doing bad things.

Lets think more about your claim that " being married, for me, is also wrong since I don't love my spouse " Have you simply given up, or decided to blame him for your not feeling in love with him nowasays ? Or have you persuaded him to join you in mariage counselling to seek to better understand what has been happening and whether it might beneficially been put right ? Or do you simply plan to grumpily give up and walk out ?

Its not really clear from your message - did this affair with the other person last 6 years ? That's a long-term cheat, isn't it ?

Then, do I understand you ? when you told the mistress, she decided she was displeased and left you, to take up with someone else ? Or was it your spouse who moved on so emphatically ? So much for love.

Some of us had various kinds of "good times" while at school, but we do move on in life without spending much time looking back, as though things could never be as good as that again.

It really sounds as though you should get into mpersonal counselling to sort all this out, and plan how to live a more wholesome and happier life from here on.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/04/16

As I said the other time I responded to this question of yours :
When other people show disapproval or even anger when one does something wrong which hurts others, those reactions shouldn't be dismissed, as today they so often are, as "judging". Wrong is wrong, and we are cros with being "judged" because i makes it harder for us to forgive ourselves for doing bad things.

Lets think more about your claim that " being married, for me, is also wrong since I don't love my spouse " Have you simply given up, or decided to blame him for your not feeling in love with him nowasays ? Or have you persuaded him to join you in mariage counselling to seek to better understand what has been happening and whether it might beneficially been put right ? Or do you simply plan to grumpily give up and walk out ?

Its not really clear from your message - did this affair with the other person last 6 years ? That's a long-term cheat, isn't it ?

Then, do I understand you ? when you told the mistress, she decided she was displeased and left you, to take up with someone else ? Or was it your spouse who moved on so emphatically ? So much for love.

Some of us had various kinds of "good times" while at school, but we do move on in life without spending much time looking back, as though things could never be as good as that again.

It really sounds as though you should get into mpersonal counselling to sort all this out, and plan how to live a more wholesome and happier life from here on.

Reply to cybershrink

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