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Question
Posted by: Lynn | 2012-04-16

Affair

I would like to get an advance on how to forgive someone who has cheated and impregnated another woman. My husband &  I had problems a year ago &  he had an affair and the woman is now pregnant. He has asked me for forgiveness &  I don''t no if I can forgive this time around, because the baby was conceived after he claimed the affair was over. I am really hurt and heart broken.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Indeed, as pregnancies lasting lopnger than a year are really not credible, the impregnation must have occurred less than a year ago, and thus, presumably, after he had declared the affair to be over.
Though far too many psychobabblers insist we must always forgive everyone who hurts us, whether or not they are truly regretful and remorseful, and whether or not they are likely to repeat the offence, I absolutely do not agree with those daft and naive views.
And there is no simple recipe for "forgiveness".
In the situation you describe, it is essential to understand what has been happening, and what is the current and likely future situation before rushing into premature forgiveness and enabling him to potentially continue to cheat.
Surely a wise first step would be to insist that he join you, sincerely, in marriage counselling with an experienced counsellor, to explore the situation and depth, and to decide what sort of response on your side would be most sensible and beneficial, and what sort of response can reasonably be expected from him ?

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: Sinner | 2012-04-18

Forgiveness is a sign of love and gives you a chance to know him better and not to regret when the second man in your life does the same mistake. I''m a man(selfish,dog and name it) love changed me in a way that i realised that i''m my wife''s first born child. My mistakes made me realise how much she loves me and is not in words this time and i can''t afford to loose this kind of love. 1 Corrinthians ........... Love is gentle, cares and forgives.

Reply to Sinner
Posted by: Obvious | 2012-04-16

Divorce him before the child has a claim on his estate - if you move fast you will get more money!

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Koeksie | 2012-04-16

Ouch, that must hurt. I am so sorry to hear. It must be devastating to say the least.

This time around it is much more complicated. It will be up to you if you can forgive and let go. How much do you love your hubby?

Personally, I wouldn''t be able to live with the thought that my husband has a child with another woman. I would divorce his @ss.



Reply to Koeksie
Posted by: Pain | 2012-04-16

How sad, please be aware that forgiveness is a process. It will not happen overnight, you need to give yourself time. Make him aware that you not dealing with the situation very well. If you choose to forgive him, beware that the fact that he has a child with that woman, she will always be in your life. The reminder will always be there. The baby is innocent but will symbolize his cheating. Are you ready for the drama and heart ache that comes with the new baby and the other woman? It is going to be a tough road... be sure what you mean by you forgive him. This new life is going to be part of your life forever.
Good Luck.

Reply to Pain
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-04-16

Indeed, as pregnancies lasting lopnger than a year are really not credible, the impregnation must have occurred less than a year ago, and thus, presumably, after he had declared the affair to be over.
Though far too many psychobabblers insist we must always forgive everyone who hurts us, whether or not they are truly regretful and remorseful, and whether or not they are likely to repeat the offence, I absolutely do not agree with those daft and naive views.
And there is no simple recipe for "forgiveness".
In the situation you describe, it is essential to understand what has been happening, and what is the current and likely future situation before rushing into premature forgiveness and enabling him to potentially continue to cheat.
Surely a wise first step would be to insist that he join you, sincerely, in marriage counselling with an experienced counsellor, to explore the situation and depth, and to decide what sort of response on your side would be most sensible and beneficial, and what sort of response can reasonably be expected from him ?

Reply to cybershrink

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