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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2010/11/23

affair

I fell into this hole, and cant seem to get out. A few years back I was convinced that hubby doesn''t love me, we couldnot speak all was just one big fight...over and over.

Then I got to close to a friend, which later turned into an on off affair. AT a certain stage I was so afraid to end it as I was so simple to think that the " other guy"  would hate me, I then went on with this thing because of trying not to dissapoint anyone even if I felt how sick and upset after every secret meeting and what he saw as a moment of " pleasure" .

Today I look back question and hate myself for what I did. But as all know you cant turn back time. I really do hate myself and what I did to a wonderful man.

The question is this, do I try to tell him and try to beg him to stay with me...., because I know he will leave if he know I cheated. Or do I keep quiet and bury this secret into my soul.

I know most of you will judge me for doing this, but I really just needed to speak to someone.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dont waste energy hating yourself for this mistake earlier on - LEARN from it, and don't repeat i. If there are aspects of your marriage not woprking well enough, consider marriage counselling, rather, to work on the problems together.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Forgive yourself | 2010/11/24

I don''t think you are evil at all, it sounds like you want to make things right and all the best to you. I wouldn''t confess as long as you don''t let it happen again. appreciate what you have.

Reply to Forgive yourself
Posted by: Anon | 2010/11/24

To " Yes" , glad to hear that there is a perfect person walking this earth! 3 cheers to you my friend!!

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Phil | 2010/11/24

Don''t tell. Ask GOD for forgiveness, truly mean that you are sorry. And leave it in the past. Trust me.

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Joan | 2010/11/24

Hi there. I admire you and yes you are once again a lesson to those who are thinking of it. Dont tell him please but learn from this.

Good luck!

Reply to Joan
Posted by: bet | 2010/11/23

i say if he does not find out, then do not tell, but shoud he find out and ask you...you should tell him the truth and that you stopped and you love him, beg for forgiveness, dont invite problems that are far from you... " YES"  is the evil one for such a comment...you are human, you made a mistake and you realise that it was a mistake, and you repented.

Reply to bet
Posted by: two-stone | 2010/11/23

Ai, some of the comments are scary. Anon, I would not tell - just learn from this and never do it again. The fact that it is worrying you shows you are a decent person, with a conscience, and that you have learnt from this. Most important of all, forgive yourself, close the book and start a new, loving, trustworthy life from TODAY. Good luck

Reply to two-stone
Posted by: yes | 2010/11/23

How could you do that? surely you are evil.

Reply to yes
Posted by: man | 2010/11/23

You say he will leave you if you tell him.
So if you tell him he leaves if you say nothing he stays.
Easy really- all you have to ask yourself is do you want him to stay or go?

Reply to man
Posted by: Poekie | 2010/11/23

Oh NO NEVER TELL HIM!! Your gild is your punishment for cheating!

Never do it again.

Reply to Poekie
Posted by: oops | 2010/11/23

No judgement, a lot of people do this - we''re human.

I''ve had to admit to an affair recently as well and it hurt like hell for my BF - he was so disappointed and sad and has not contacted me again.

It''s a risk I took. I always try to turn the tables and think about what I would do if he cheated on me... would I be able to make love to him again? Would I be too hurt to try again?

I don''t know. However, it''s off my conscience and letting your ''loved'' one know what happened is so important. Would you prefer to know if the shoes'' on the other foot? That''s the question to ask.

Bite the bullet... everything happens for a reason.

Oh, and good luck with whatever your decision, whatever that may be.

Reply to oops
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/23

Dont waste energy hating yourself for this mistake earlier on - LEARN from it, and don't repeat i. If there are aspects of your marriage not woprking well enough, consider marriage counselling, rather, to work on the problems together.

Reply to cybershrink

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