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Question
Posted by: guilty | 2010/06/11

Affair

I find myself in a very difficult situation and I don’ t know how to stop it. I am married and have been seeing another man (who is also married). We are family friends and socialise together as well. We have never had sex but we have kissed each other and are very attracted to one another. We often meet and sit and talk for hours and we get on extremely well. Neither of us wants to leave our partners and we are aware that what we are doing is wrong. The secrecy is driving me crazy. I would like to put a stop to it but I enjoy our time together so much. We see each other socially almost every weekend so it’ s impossible to cut all contact. I just don’ t know how to stop these feelings.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I sometimes wonder what is meant when you say "I don't know how to stop it" - is that genuinely a puzzle for you ? You're married and have made a committment to your husband. You know how to stop it, but maybe you don't really want to. You have allowed this situation to develop, both of you, disregarding the hurt this will cause your spouses who are apparently innocent parties here.
I enjoy eating chocolate, but I dotn't do it all day or every day. Enjoyment isn't a good idea for doing something you know is wrong and will hurt others.
Feelings are harder to stop than actions and behaviour. So stop meeting him at any time secretly or alone, and stop the kissing and private times. And commit yourself, perhaps with the aid of a marriage counsellor, to developing the potential in your own marriage. Let the "feelings" catch up with more virtuous behaviour

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2010/06/19

Be honest with your husband. He deserves to know what you have been up to before it leads to sex. Do you have children with your husband?

Reply to Anon
Posted by: anon | 2010/06/11

in situations like these i never understand why people mention whether they had sex or not. to be honest, it would be TERRIBLE if my husband had a 1 night stand, absolutely TERRIBLE. but id choose that over a secretive, emotional longing for someone, kissing and meetings included.

no man, this is bad.

spend time with your husband instead of meeting the other guy. there are ways to limit your contact with this guy. and if you see him, dont even have 1on1 chats with him. always be in a group.

there must be something missing in your relationship with your husband, but that doesnt give you reason to go and find it somewhere else.

please dont go ahead with this! THINK.

Reply to anon
Posted by: Strait Forward | 2010/06/11

You deserve the emotional pain thats about to happen. Your and his familly dont.

Reply to Strait Forward
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/06/11

I sometimes wonder what is meant when you say "I don't know how to stop it" - is that genuinely a puzzle for you ? You're married and have made a committment to your husband. You know how to stop it, but maybe you don't really want to. You have allowed this situation to develop, both of you, disregarding the hurt this will cause your spouses who are apparently innocent parties here.
I enjoy eating chocolate, but I dotn't do it all day or every day. Enjoyment isn't a good idea for doing something you know is wrong and will hurt others.
Feelings are harder to stop than actions and behaviour. So stop meeting him at any time secretly or alone, and stop the kissing and private times. And commit yourself, perhaps with the aid of a marriage counsellor, to developing the potential in your own marriage. Let the "feelings" catch up with more virtuous behaviour

Reply to cybershrink

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