Posted by: me | 2008-12-02


About 2 weeks ago, my hubby found out about a relationship I had with this guy at work. It was was not of a physical nature at all, we used to sms/email and phone each other. This relationship first started out as us being friends and then it got abit out of hand where I sent him a very " naughty"  pic of myself.

The thing is my hubby thinks that I had some feelings/emotions for this guy but I told him I dont. which he does not believe.

I cannot understand why I did what I did with this guy cause its so not like me. The hubby and I are going through an hurtful emotional roller coaster. I actually dont know if we will be together.

is there anybody out there with similar experiences or advice on how to deal with this situation


Any people out there

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Our expert says:
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Lets fae it, you DID have some sort of feelings or emotions for this guy --- presumably you don't exchange flirty nessages and naughty pictures with people chosen at random, or people you don't like at all. Marriage counselling is indicated, and an apology from you, and maybe some additional personal sessions for you with the counsellor, to understand why you got yourself into this mess

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sally | 2008-12-03

I can also relate to CV and Felicity. My husband also was very friendly with a slut colleague - chit chatting on skype etc - it was a complete betrayal and although he says there were no feelings involved it hurt so much as he was obviously enjoying her company. It is still going downhill - I dont trust him one bit - doesnt help that he still works with that slut although he is no longer chatting to her on skype (as I check now) I always wonder what happens during the day ..... I know I deserve so much better - I need to pluck up the courage to move on. I know karam will have the final say ....

Reply to Sally
Posted by: Klippies | 2008-12-03

Is it not funny the difference in attitude when a woman is unfaithfull to that when a man is unfaithfull. I refer to the reaction to the above and to the reaction on the mail of " AFFAIR AT WORK"  Quite a difference!!

Now I would like to add my opinion. If you sent him naughty pictures you most probably were naked. or maybe just your panty or bra. Sorry but you are unfaithfull and according to statistics have a 7% of saving your marraige!!!

Reply to Klippies
Posted by: good girl | 2008-12-03

ans some of us are battling to find good guys whom we can get married to and you do this to your husband? you are sick - period!!!! why on earth would you show someone else what should be seen only by your hubby?!? sorry no mercy from my side

Reply to good girl
Posted by: felicity | 2008-12-02

I have been on the receiving end of what you have done to your husband and I promise for me it only went downhill for us from there. You need to be remorseful and consider how you would have felt if you were in yr husbands shoes. I have never trusted mine sine then and because he started getting " irritated"  and non communicative regarding my questions about his " affair"  he chose to hide the phone, email etc and eventually started " relationship"  number 2 . two years down the line. It is now 4 years since I found out vis sms regarding his relationship with a colleague number 1 and even though I admitted in counselling of my participation in the downfall of our marriage he has never once shown total remorse for what he has done to me. I am filing for divorce at the moment and in the process " destroying"  two young boys but I need to respect myself enough not to be 2nd best, the entire blame for the demise of a marriage and also to allow my boys to see Mom when shes not " peed"  off with Dad but actually a dynamic women who has so much to give to them and to myself in the process. I wish you luck but if there is no remorse or " hard"  communication I can' t ever see a marriage surviving.

Reply to felicity
Posted by: Cv | 2008-12-02

Hi ME....

Here it is from the other side. My hubby did the same thing last year, ( JUST FRIENDS <  SMS<  EMAILS>  TELPHONE CALL) I was TERRIBLY HURT and as far as i was concerned it was BETRAYAL and He was UNFAITHFULL. We went for counselling and all that but BELIEVE ME it' s all still very much there in my head and i am always wondering??? HE insists there was nothing physical and no feeling involved but it HURT ME ALL THE SAME. He stole or hid away 6 months telephone accounts to try and hide his " fling"  Today things are a bit better but i don' t know if i will ever get over it altogether... And i always think if i took this so badly imagine if he shouyld have a FULL on PHYSICAL affair.... it would kill me .
My only advise is u will have to give your hubby time.... and alot of understanding. And he will be asking alot of questions about this other man and U will have to answer his questions. Our councellor told my hubby that it was normal for the i" injured party "  to want to know about the other person.

Best of LUCK.

Reply to Cv
Posted by: Ja | 2008-12-02

You had an afair - face it and deal with it accordingly. He needs to forgive you, you need to own up to it and stop playing it down. How remorsefull are you? doesn' t sound like it.

Reply to Ja
Posted by: Nozi | 2008-12-02

counselling is the best, or get this guy to assure hubbey that nothing out of the ordinary took place, I know hubby must be hurting, we woman tend to do things without thinking of the consequences, maybe hubby wasn' t paying you enough attention and you sort it elsewhere.Sit him down and explain if that doesn' t work counselling! good luck it' s going to take a while for him to trust you again but you will have to assure him.

Reply to Nozi

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