Posted by: M | 2009-01-29

Advise re kid' s well-being

I' m divorced and have joint custody of my children. They live with their mom.
The mother seems to have divorced for vonvenience, met another guy, had another baby etc etc.
Now my children seem to be suffering and their performance at school is deteriorating quickly. My concern is that the ex is looking for a quick fix by giving the kids medication to up their performance, whilst i don' t agree with this and feel that the kids need some attention and stability in their lives.
To cut the story short, i feel she is incapable of giving my kids waht they need and want to contest he capabilities in court.
Previously i have used lawyers to fight my battles, with very poor results. I am tired of paying lawyers fees so how do i go about this on my own? Who do I contact? I have all the reports necessary to support my concerns. I took my children to a therapist, and so did the ex (independant) and the results seem similar.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageDivorce support expert

Dear M,
thank you for your post and for raising yet a so very important issue: That the law/lawyers do not seem to be of much help.
This is why SADSA is making every effort to address these needs through bringing into awareness that we are responsible for our emotions and outcomes and mostly we are responsible for our children.
When we focus on the negative, we nurture negative thoughts and negative feelings which have a tendency to contribute to more negativity.
Whatever the circumstances of a divorce/separation, we need to acknowledge that it's over and move on. When children are involved, we need to acknowledge that we will remain their parents for the rest of our lives.
Unless there is abuse to the child, it is important that the child keeps both his parents in his life. The terms of the custody and shared responsibilities is advised to be thought carefully for the child best interest and not fueled by the anger which blinds us.
One needs to become emotionally intelligent.
At SADSA we encourage separated parents to attending post divorce parenting counselling/coaching or attend one of our workshops.
At SADSA we also believe that the therapy is better to be attended by the parents then to send the children to therapy. We parents are nothing more than role models and if we can display the correct behaviour, our children will grow up in a balanced environment allowing them to grow happily.

Warmest regards
Nadia ~ ~

It is important to keep written track of detail but as Nadia says, the court is not sympathetic unless abuse or severe neglect is involved and this would have to be proved and you may be wasting time and money doing this

· How old are your children?

· What are the specific concerns?

· What do your reports from therapists conclude regarding the negative effects in the children and are their recommendations?

· I would recommend a mediated session with you and your ex wife to discuss the concerns and a viable solution. As a Life Coach, I take the framework / goal of the session which would be your children’s happiness and positive progress. Look at what the therapists say and what is happening. Discuss a solution going forward in an objective non – emotional way, reach agreement, document a report and then follow up. It needs to be structured and results focused and your and your wife’s stuff kept out of it as much as possible.

· Also try when you have the children to get balance, security and a routine going – know the challenges of this!

Hang In There!


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